Jaren Thomas

I guess this is my way of trying to convince you that I'm as funny as I think I am.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

What to do when your doctor and your podcaster disagree about treatment

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

Flying is crazy.

1) you’re basically in a big missile with wings and wheels

2) Interstate/international travel has become pretty affordable (relatively speaking, leading to point #3)

3) Fucking ANYONE can do this. It’s basically a glorified bus stop. For better or for worse.

[B.W. Carlin @BaileyCarlin]

mother of god Jeffrey

[Rod @rodimusprime]

I just don't get how your immune system is supposedly strong enough to handle a virus that has killed over 600K people in the US but not strong enough to handle a vaccine that 169 million Americans have taken and survived.

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

Why does everyone not eat dinner at Costco every single night? It’s delicious, it’s good for me, and most importantly it’s like $3.

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

@avalonpenrose @Wu_Tang_Finance @jonahokeefe

[Lance Allred @lanceallred41]

So is Kaepernick taking a knee still an inappropriate way to protest?

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

AND Chapelle show is on Netflix?? There may be hope for 2020 yet...

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

Today was by far the most monday-est Monday I’ve ever personally been victimized by.

[tinybaby @tinybaby]

each state should have an allocation of 100 years of age for their senators. you can send two 50 year olds but if you want dianne feinstein in the senate you gotta send a 13 year old too

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

@Wu_Tang_Finance Because they’re shit and they probably know it. Had an appraisal done on an investment property in June and it came in at $570k. Lock expired and had to go with a new lender. Got second appraisal. Guy used 2/3 same comps and gave the value at $505k. Fuck em.

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

Lolol... Been a longggg fall from grace for Ye

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

It should be criminal (felonious?) to get on an elevator before allowing the people already on the elevator get off.

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

*After we watch a man go through a metaphorical rebirth/awakening scene on TV*

@_abigailwilson : “it was all a dream!���

Me: “Did he used to read “Word Up!” magazine??”

Abigail: “No.”

🤷🏾‍♂️

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

@cmc22 @zicobarrow Honestly, me too. It’s not so much that it’s gross as it is just... Bold...

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

I have virtual lunch with a doctor’s office Wednesday

The manager texted me what everyone would like to eat

She followed up adding I may have to call in the doctor’s order

All he asked for is 1.5 lbs of smoked peppered bacon

Soooo I’m gonna have some questions at lunch...

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

@cmc22 I’m praying when I FaceTime the office he just is sitting there eating a giant heap of bacon from a paper plate while everyone else eats sandwiches.

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

When @JColeNC and @Drake have dropped 5 songs in the last 6 days

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

@milshthrun I will! I don’t anticipate it being great but ya never know 🤷🏾‍♂️

[Jaren Thomas @Jaren_Thomas]

Why does sushi taste better than cooked fish? And what are the implications of this for other meats?