Professional Disaster

If it can be dreamt, it can be done. And if it can be done, it can be done more efficiently.

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

We should start treating COVID like St Patrick’s day. Instead of getting pinched for not wearing green, it’s for not wearing a mask. And you get slapped.

[Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness]

Once married the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

Child: I can't wait to be an adult.

Me [shaving my ears]: Yeah it's great.

[Nathan W Pyle @nathanwpyle]

Occasionally you’ll discover a Universal Human Joke - one time I had to carry a cake on a walk through New York, and multiple strangers asked "IS THAT FOR ME??"

What’s fun is that you can be pretty emphatic in how you say “no!” The harsher the funnier for everyone involved.

[One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom]

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

What if the glitter shortage and the adderall shortage are related

#glittershortage #adderallshortage

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

Celebrities getting voice gigs doing airport announcements is wild to me. Why is Macklemore counselling about luggage safety over loudspeaker

#travel #celebrities #macklemore

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

@RedWebPod Huge shoutout for delivering accurate info on the supposed waiting period to report someone missing! @CrimeJunkiePod would be proud 👏🏼

[The Hooburrito, a burrito by Hoobastank @sug_knight]

Not enough people named Jacob going by cob imo

[Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking]

I have to apologize for pretending to be a good father on here. I treated my 7 yo awful today and I'm not proud of it. I should not have asked him to take a shower this morning after his last shower was 5 days ago. I am sorry for my horrible actions.

[♥mark magark♥ @markedly]

Uh oh, I just got hungry enough to turn it into somebody else’s problem

[No Context Brits @NoContextBrits]

Real life Mr. Bean.

[Tony Hightower may have @ThatTonyH]

I know everyone thinks Hemingway has the ultimate Six Word Story, but may I present

(Via https://t.co/XC3DlIXXC3 )

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

@pizzahut I have a question about your choice in sauces for my cinnasticks

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

Immediately and without breaking eye contact

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

My husband excused himself from the table to take a work call. What’s the official waiting period on stealing his fries?

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

@AlaskaAir @PortofSeattle Care to explain??

#disability #travel #justice #wheelchairs #disabled

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

https://t.co/BpfMzR8B5u

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

https://t.co/BpfMzR8B5u

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

@OfficeofSteve “Competitive dance”

[Professional Disaster @javasphinx]

FUNDED

[mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo]

Hear me out, bug-zapping lightsabers

[Sam Saulsbury @SamuelSaulsbury]

The guy with the worst grades should get to give a graduation speech too. Let me hear both sides