Jessica

Roommates listen to the same music

[Chalant @OnlyHanz_]

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I never wanted to wake up early

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

Pro tip: it's spelled d-i-a-r-r-h-e-a.

[Jessica @jaymytro]

Rabbit rabbit

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

Today is National Take Your Dog to Work Day

[amie @anneslovegood]

“you know I love my big beef and cheddar!”

[Cookie Monster @MeCookieMonster]

Elmo teach me not to eat trophy. Me teach Elmo to pick a team. 💙🧡

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

Every pet owner has accidentally created a daily ritual and now lives under a tiny furry dictator.

[Jessica @jaymytro]

Rabbit rabbit

[Danielle Beckman @DaniBeckman]

People who tested positive for #COVID have a higher risk of being diagnosed with other infections in the following months. This has been shown for years and hundreds of publications in the topic. Covid has an impact on the immune system we still don't fully understand.

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

I don’t understand people who are “not in the mood” for pizza.

[possum princess @veggiequeen420]

trolley problem but it’s a group of rich ppl who refuse to quarantine with a disease that has 30-50% mortality rate. on the other track is the rest of the world

[mr pussy @mrpxssy]

Typhoid Mary was a superspreader of typhoid fever because she was an asymptomatic carrier and a line cook and refused to change her lifestyle, and she was eventually imprisoned, but Republicans today would be like "let her cook"

[Red Drummarts @redrummarts]

Everything I'm learning about Ted Turner rn is making me conclude he's pretty much what I'd be like if I was loaded

[Froglet 🐸 @froglet80]

i can't believe everyone is so mad about this when most have been doing it every day since ever

[soup🌱 @thrluv]

man i just do not know how to act around warm bread

[WILDER @wldsteppa]

Why is Auntie Anne's only in the mall?
Bitch, spread tf out!

[Jessica @jaymytro]

Rabbit rabbit

[(((Jew))) @JoshMalina]

I have never forwarded myself something through text and then not thought I was getting a text when my phone buzzed 3 seconds later.

[Mandy Kong 🦍 @mirann_darrow]

The 95 Indians had a 600 home run guy, two 500 home run guys, a 50 home run in one season (with 50 doubles) guy, a .300 hitting catcher, the third best leadoff hitter of the 90s, a platinum glove-caliber shortstop with 2800 career hits, and Dave Winfield sitting on the bench.

[neural oscillator of uncertain significance @mycoliza]

once again i am increasingly convinced that the best rule of thumb remains “don’t trust an LLM to do something you don’t know *exactly* how to do yourself”