Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦

Pretend stay at home mom, freelance writer, water safety enthusiast, inspired traveler. I squish my own spiders.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@ThatEricAlper This cigarette it could seduce
A nation with its smoke
Crawling down my tired throat
Scratches part of me that's purring
Softy stirring.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@gggirl924 I used to eat those when I worked at a hotel and they were the only things we could get for free from the restaurant. Snacked all night on a budget of $0.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@tattooed_bee Skibidi

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@CanadaGoose911 I dare you to fight a goose. Live. On TV.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@TripperDallas @Stephwolfe101 I live near these idiots. There are local signs saying "save the Coutts boys". I guess they're not feeling great.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

Sigh, America.
You wouldn't elect a white woman over a yt conman. We all know the colonial legacy of Patriarchal white supremacy won't allow Kamala to gain power. You're fucked.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@AbJrogg Listen, Nenshi has a high provincial profile and is well-liked. If anyone has a chance to steer this deranged population away from the UCP, it's him.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

I work at a college. Today, I listened to the valedictorian make her speech. It was about determination, overcoming challenges, and looking to the future. Why do celebrities give commencement speeches? Are the experiences and thoughts of actual students not good enough?

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@RachelNotley I have high blood pressure. It's genetic, meaning no amount of exercise and healthy eating will lower it. This is not my fault, nor can I change it. I would have to get different genetics. But sure, blame me.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@Kim26664026 @djmullen52 I live in AB too. It's getting embarrassing. Like everyone believed in the story about the Alberta Advantage and now think we're superior somehow.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@beetsonbikes Of course!

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

I'm so glad I was nagged into being a mom so I can spend my Saturday morning crying in my dirty kitchen because I am entirely unequipped to turn these kids into sensible humans.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@CalamityJayne4 Fuck Alberta. I hate living here! Argh!

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

Always enjoy a fun, scammy text exchange. Maybe one day, I'll get my trombone.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@StrugglingMamma Yes

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@Enezator Zorro

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@StrugglingMamma My 1st child had a big BBQ party and everyone came. My 2nd had cake at his high chair while wearing pajamas. We squeezed it in at his grandparents' house.
Neither kid remembers, and they both feel loved.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

@CTVLethbridge About flipping time! Lethbridge is such a backward place to live.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

[alarm set for 8 hours and 6 minutes from now]
My brain: better not sleep at all just in case.

[Beautiful Dysfunction 🛫🇨🇦 @jayneairplane]

In 2010 in Cuba I ate the most delicious pink guava I've ever tasted, and I've been chasing those flavours ever since.