Jean-Baptiste Mazon

Lifelong learner. Musician. Codes in languages weird for fun, bland for profit. Solves twisty puzzles. Likes snow. Flew kites, built robots. @[email protected]

[Freddy Krueger (☥𝐃𝐁) @FreddyKruegerDB]

Believe in yourself. Dream on

[Jean-Baptiste Mazon @jbmazon]

@PascalCohen @icelandyard Ok, la Réunion, je peux jalouser.

[Jean-Baptiste Mazon @jbmazon]

@Shirleyyych T'as peut-être raté cette partie de l'action avec ton séjour, mais en ce moment le soleil il est pas si populaire que ça 🌞

[Jean-Baptiste Mazon @jbmazon]

@PascalCohen Bravo!

[Eric Alper 🎧 @ThatEricAlper]

An employee cleaning the floor of a Roomba store

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

The company hired me to lead their "Agile Transformation."
I don't know what Agile means.
Nobody does.
That's why it works.

I make $425,000 a year.
To move sticky notes.
From left to right.
On a board.
The board is digital now.
The sticky notes cost $80,000 in Jira licenses.
Progress.

Day one, I said "we need to break down silos."
Everyone nodded.
Silos are bad.
I don't know why.
But destroying them is a career.
My career.

I introduced "squads."
Squads are teams.
But disrupted.
We disrupted the teams into teams.
Different names.
Same people.
Same problems.
But Agile problems now.
Agile problems are strategic.

A senior engineer asked what we're actually changing.
I said, "The mindset."
He asked what that means.
I said, "It's a journey."
He asked where we're going.
I said, "Toward agility."
He asked what agility means.
I pointed at the sticky notes.
They were moving left to right.
That's velocity.
We have velocity now.

The VP of Engineering said two-week sprints don't fit their work.
I said, "That's waterfall thinking."
Waterfall is bad.
Like silos.
I don't know what waterfall is.
But I know it's bad.
She stopped talking.
Waterfall accusations end conversations.

We had a retrospective.
In the retro, we discussed what went wrong.
Everything went wrong.
We put it on sticky notes.
Then we moved the sticky notes.
Into a column called "Parking Lot."
The Parking Lot is where problems go to die.
It's full.
We don't look at it.
That's agile.

Velocity is up 40%.
I defined velocity.
I also defined the points.
I also defined the stories.
We're crushing it.
At the things I made up.
To measure.
Ourselves.

The CEO asked for ROI.
I showed a chart.
The chart went up.
Charts should go up.
This one did.
I didn't label the Y-axis.
Nobody asked.
Leadership is confidence.

We do standups now.
Every day.
We stand.
For 45 minutes.
Standing is agile.
Sitting is waterfall.
My legs hurt.
But we're transforming.

The transformation is now "Phase 3."
Phase 1 was assessment.
Phase 2 was implementation.
Phase 3 is "continuous improvement."
Continuous means forever.
Forever means job security.
I'm very secure.

My contract was extended.
Three more years.
For "cultural impact."
The culture is confused.
But impacted.

Agile transformation isn't about being agile.
It's about transforming.
Continuously.
Toward more transformation.
The destination is the journey.
The journey is billable.

[Smooth McGroove @SmoothMcGroove]

Doom - E1M1 - At Doom's Gate Acapella!

[Jean-Baptiste Mazon @jbmazon]

@Shirleyyych T'es pas la seule.

[Rémi Fauconnier @RemiFauconnier]

1985. Vous n’entendrez plus jamais « Tous les cris les SOS » de la même façon!
Doc exceptionnel sur D. 𝗕𝗮𝗹𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗲 en studio, expliquant ses samples sur le mythique Fairlight CMI, outil alors réservé à l’élite geek (Peter Gabriel, Kate Bush).
👉 https://t.co/MXZQVSvOOt…

[Jean-Baptiste Mazon @jbmazon]

@sebi2706 Glad you made it!

[Jean-Baptiste Mazon @jbmazon]

@PascalCohen Ok dis-nous tout

[Jean-Baptiste Mazon @jbmazon]

@PascalCohen Quand il n'y a qu'une compagnie…

[JF Bastien @jfbastien]

Array indices start at 0 in C, but start at 32 in F.

[GuyBol @GuyBolVelo]

GCUM = garé comme une merde
Impossible de marcher sur le trottoir occupé par vos militants qui réclament de la fermeté contre les incivilités.
@JeanLeonetti @EricPAUGET1 @laurentwauquiez
https://t.co/zeCQDag2t6

[Tom Antonov @Tom_Antonov]

I have a dream

[Jean-Baptiste Mazon @jbmazon]

@mstk Missing links: [mega] and assorted wiki.

[Maryline Maubois @MaryMbois]

😂😂😂

[Jean-Baptiste Mazon @jbmazon]

@PascalCohen Tu devrais pas le lui souhaiter à elle plutôt qu'à Twitter ?

[Jean-Baptiste Mazon @jbmazon]

@sebi2706 As a former colleague, I am mandated by law to remind you if you got off the plane, it's not a leg it's a segment. 😅