JC Tarp

Author. Screenwriter. Editor. Bandito. I drink a lot.

[JC Tarp @jctwritesstuff]

Can't. Assembling my Dark Army.

[Scoob @Scoobydouchebag]

A new Jensen Huang affair will be announced every hour until our demands are met

[cuban 🍂 @cubantobacco]

the pH of the vagina is so acidic it can completely dissolve $1.25T in market capitalization

[erin ⊬ @97lec]

what is @GinaHinojosaTX plan to ban LED headlights

[JC Tarp @jctwritesstuff]

How dare you?

[Encyclopaedia Britannica @Britannica]

MTV debuted closer to Pearl Harbor than to today.

[hunter @hunter_hhhh]

ROKU CITY JUST WENT BLUE

[sarah ‎chechi says fight to win സാറ @sarahephilips]

i’m so patriotic for my country texas right now.

[Brian Rosenworcel @bowl_of_worcel]

scrolling without doom is so fun

[Larry’s Twin 99 @LarrysTwin99]

Caught myself singing ‘Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover’ to a plate of cheese fries.

[The Weather Channel @weatherchannel]

btw the science folder is green. always has been. always will be.

[maya @mayapo1ogies]

just drove my chevy all the way to the levy. you’re not gonna fucking believe this.

[The Real Rodney Lacroix @RealRodLacroix]

Wife: On my way home. Need anything at CVS?
Me: Do they sell bourbon at CVS?
Wife: No.
Me: Then no.

[Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin]

Cornbread is just dinner cake.

[Molly B.🍉 @HappyHijabbi]

disappointed that the bad guys in real life are really dumb. Not one smooth criminal in the batch.

[Mike Pesca @pescami]

You just never expect things to go wrong in, of all places, a Russian Plague Lab.

[Cohen is a ghost @skullmandible]

most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns

[JC Tarp @jctwritesstuff]

@chiefstayvis Has Olivia credited the Foo Fighters' Everlong for the opening of this song yet?

[miri @mishtimere]

everybody makes pilates seem so girly girl pretty pink coquette aesthetic cutie pie and in reality its like training for the military

[Víkrám @gvicks]

My to-do list has evolved from productivity tool to historical record of good intentions.

[JP @jpbrammer]

[tracy chapman voice] you gotta mask bar

[Softboy @softcreateee]

I hate when I drink too much water and I can hear it moving around in my stomach. Makes me feel like a coconut.