Jennie Garrard

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

@Things4WhitePpl @TyGarrard

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

happy to announce that instead of trying to get a boyfriend, i will be purchasing an expensive weighted blanket that will last me much longer and bring me more joy, thank you so much for your time

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

Oh, did you mean pickup line?

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

@dannibakes Don’t you dare shit on princess diaries like that

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

@dannibakes Okay first of all DANGER

[Dylan Sprouse @dylansprouse]

You were the unplanned one @colesprouse

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

@dannibakes Fuck off

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

@dannibakes WHAT JOB

[Cole M. Sprouse @colesprouse]

It’s all fun and games until Carrie Underwood digs her keys into the side of your pretty little souped up 4-wheel drive.

[Cole M. Sprouse @colesprouse]

No amount of escape rooms gunna help you escape the fact that your life’s a lie.

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

@lindseyhwarner @nicolebyer After my dad’s first brain surgery we bought him a “service cat” to play with during recovery and he’s been a constant source of amusement for about 10 months now.

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

@nicolebyer

[Nicole Byer aka peppa pig slut @nicolebyer]

That not traditionally carry cats but this man looks proud good job man and cat. https://t.co/wsNhu1iECi

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

My cat and my dog are best friends/ possible lovers.

@nicolebyer

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

I don’t wanna freak anybody out but I just saw my cat’s penis for the first time and I’m having trouble coping. I had my first cat for 20 years and he NEVER felt the urge to whip out his dick and show me. This new cat is a straight up pervert.

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

@dannibakes The way that my eyesight is deteriorating combined with my lack of optical insurance guarantees that I’ll look different in a year without even lifting a weight.

[Shalyah Evans @ShalyahEvans]

I’ve never heard a contestant give a personal fact on Jeopardy that wouldn’t make me uncomfortable on a first date

[Jennie Garrard @jengarrard]

@carlyaquilino @dannibakes sorry dude

[Shalyah Evans @ShalyahEvans]

15 years later and I'd still let Will Turner hit it