Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader

I am a grumpy orange cat who loves pasta. half girl, half idiot. this is a parody account - any likeness to people, places, and events is coincidental.

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

When I say "this isn't my first rodeo" I mean it in the literal sense. I've been to a lot of rodeos @YoungLife

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

Its cultural insensitivity if you criticize an Italian for being late

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

It’s worrisome how this experience is not specific to a singular event in my life but repeatedly applicable…

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

Me: I feel like I was kicked in the head

Friend: well that makes sense, because you were

Me: yah, and it feels like it.

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

I don’t have anyone waiting for me at home (ideal)

But my favorite ice cream place did post on IG to welcome me home from vacation (peak)

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

Today I was playing with my friend’s 4 yo and all the sudden he looks up at me and says “can we fight?”

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

@TheKenChilds Childs funeral home …does sound very ominous

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

I get asked my secret to looking so young a lot & it actually doesn’t have anything to do with a good skincare routine, the secret is being as stupid as you were when you were young.

I, for example, broke my hand yesterday showing a friend a trick to open a beer bottle. I am 34.

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

I like to tell my friends and family “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” as a way of giving them way more options than they ever thought possible.

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

UMMMM IF ANYONE I KNOW CROCHETSS…I NEED THIS

[david baguetta @bakebythepound]

I HAVE BEEN GIFTED A GARLIC PILLOW

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

@annesmith11589 Phantom

[Ken Childs is on Bluesky @TheKenChilds]

Post a picture YOU took. Just a pic. No description.

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

Popping in to update everyone on my Dad’s steadfast devotion to watching every sequel of every dance movie ever made…

11:52pm *Step Up 4 scrolls across Netflix suggestions*

Me: have you seen that one?

Dad: yah

M: any good?

D: eh

…

D: I’m gonna watch it again

*hits play*

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

Favorite ice cream shop opened for the season so I took the neighborhood kids. I mentioned allergens to the scooper & 8yo goes - you only promised our parents we’d come back with 10 fingers & 10 toes so it actually doesn’t matter if I eat peanuts

& that’s on setting expectations

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

Today I was with two friends and two of us agreed that seeing your friend 3.5 months ago was “recent” and the third guy just isn’t a traveler or expat

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

My willingness to get a tattoo for a joke that exactly 3 people have ever laughed at is my beige flag - the fact that no one laughs at it actually makes it way funnier for me. I have achieved the precise level of silly stupid that I’ve always aspired to. My Mom is gonna hate it.

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

My Dad isn’t very sentimental but when I’ve been traveling for a while he will text me to ask me for recipes and that’s how I know he at least misses my cooking

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

Thrilled to report that without adult supervision on this trip I have only sustained a concussion, dislocated shoulder, and one stupid tattoo. Incredible injury stats under the circumstances.

[Rise Nutrition @rise_nutrition]

https://t.co/IHDKxcTlMB

[trash jones @jzux]

there should be an opposite of valentine’s day where you post instagram photos of your enemy

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

Me: I feel like I was kicked in the head

Friend: well that makes sense, because you were

Me: yah, and it feels like it.

[Messy Jesse • known aliases: the ring leader @jesse_paps]

I was texting one of my friends in El Salvador and he started sending voice notes so I told him I was going to bed and he was like aww why and I was like sorry I’m too tired to hear Spanish