jesse mount

hardly

[jesse mount @jessemount]

if i was a girl id wear a ponytail everyday & tell ppl im low maintenance then fucking flip @ a server 4 no cherry on my pomegranate gimlet

[jesse mount @jessemount]

is 'pep in your step' short for pepperoni in your stepmother?

[jesse mount @jessemount]

idk why but these little cute neighborhood libraries always make me feel like yelling at a barista or my house cleaner carmela.

[jesse mount @jessemount]

@ChipotleTweets should i drive to get a chipotle burrito rn?

[jesse mount @jessemount]

@SouthwestAir nebraska furniture mart. this is in the potato isle.

[jesse mount @jessemount]

@SouthwestAir can u do me a huge favor and make the confirmation page in the app that shows your round trip flight so that it shows on one page without having to scroll? when people screenshot their flight it cuts of much needed info from top or bottom. if it was 1 page it’d be👌

[jesse mount @jessemount]

lobotomy jokes are fun AND safe. no one is going, “not cool, my second cousin is battling stage 4 lobotomy”

[jesse mount @jessemount]

i wish lobotomies were reversible like vasectomies then we could all finally relax instead of wondering how many ppl are responding to our autoresponders mid vacation

[jesse mount @jessemount]

the first thing people ask after returning from vacay and getting their reverse procedure is where their cell phone is and who took care of their laptop while they were gone.

[jesse mount @jessemount]

do bears rlly do love honey as much as the movies say?

[jesse mount @jessemount]

@goodmontheth congratulations!!! can’t wait for what’s next

[jesse mount @jessemount]

in the future people will open bottles of wine from the year 2020 & 2021 and taste hints of depression and loneliness

[jesse mount @jessemount]

@emilywil hahahH this remains my favorite

[jesse mount @jessemount]

@emilywil thanks emily, this still remains my favorite birthday picture to this day 😂 miss you!

[jesse mount @jessemount]

tryna snell drugs dem birbs

[jesse mount @jessemount]

im gonna start a support group called guppies & puppy’s and the only thing we’ll be allowed to talk about is our deadly shell fish allergies

[jesse mount @jessemount]

lacroix tastes like a meme you won’t let die

[jesse mount @jessemount]

@emilywil hey em what u doin?

[jesse mount @jessemount]

@roperbond IT IS ALSO SO FUNNY WHEN PPL WHO’VE JUST MET GO WAYY BACK HAHAHAHA