WHY CAN’T I CARE ABOUT MYSELF, MY SCHOOL AND WORK AT THE SAME TIME??? like as soon as I care about one of the things, the other aspects fo my life just kinda fade into the background until I’m rudely reminded of them through deadlines, quizzes and the like.
Literally sometimes all I need to do is get up from my desk, smoke a little weed and chill for sec. I always come back to my desk more inspired and less fucking exhausted.
I’m in a dimly lit room, the kitchen light behind me buzzes quietly.
Give yourself the time to sit and stare.
Indulge in (day)dreams
Dreams of days that will never come
Dreams of days that will
Don’t dream of days at all
Dreams are dreams are dreams are dreams are dreams are
I was recently reminded of my pre-quarentine self via an email. How embarrassed do I feel, 2 yrs later, being even more lost than I was then?
“We don’t know what the affect of the pandemic has had on us yet because we are still in it.”
- friend via flickering bonfire light, 2021
I write down a couple words.
A random quote.
I start a sentence then get lost in thought. I never return,
although I show up again. I turn the sentence into something new.
Even if I show up, is anything ever new?
Maybe progress is meeting somewhere again without returning.
I’ve fallen off of journaling and I don’t know how to feel about it. I’m fine but it would be so interesting to read back on the tail end of covid from whatever perspective I’ll have in 30 years. I just can’t get my in the moment self to sit down with a notebook right now.
Psst - The way capitalists treated the lower classes during COVID (utter disregard for mass death / displacement) is our preview of how shit is gonna play out with the climate crisis