Jack Holden

I shall live forever or die trying

[Jack Holden @jett315]

@ephyrxcl No you idiot it’s the internet

[Jack Holden @jett315]

Billy Joel’s old manager: No, all the tips would be in the form of US currency. I’m not sure where you got any other idea

Duck: *visibly upset* no yeah it’s cool. Never mind about the job I guess

[Jack Holden @jett315]

@ephyrxcl Seek God

[pj @pjayevans]

(looking up from candy crush) yeahh wait sorry how did she die

[Jack Holden @jett315]

All whales are sperm whales

[Jack Holden @jett315]

I think Sisyphus would be really pissed off if he went to a gym

[Jack Holden @jett315]

“Where does It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia take place?”

[Jack Holden @jett315]

@ryanngriesemer I thought the decision to show full penetration was odd, but you gotta allow for artistic license or something

[Jack Holden @jett315]

@ryanngriesemer Ken and Barbie bang

[Jack Holden @jett315]

@wenisoverparty @homosrosie Yeah, like you didn’t need therapy already

[Jack Holden @jett315]

I’m not saying your bf is a pussy, but he never digs straight down in Minecraft

[Jack Holden @jett315]

I have neither stomped nor hollered this year, tyvm

[Jack Holden @jett315]

You haven’t tweeted about MILFs in a while… are you alright? @wenisoverparty

[Jack Holden @jett315]

I made some powerful enemies today

(I wounded a cricket and it got away)

[Jack Holden @jett315]

False advertising in this country is out of control. Not only does my new bourbon vanilla shampoo taste like unrecognizable poison, it also fails to get me even buzzed

[Jack Holden @jett315]

The NFL should add stoppage time

[Jack Holden @jett315]

@wenisoverparty She’s Juszku