Joe

[Joe @jfdrules]

Just updated my LinkedIn profile. Surely that will save my company from going out of business.

[Joe @jfdrules]

@McAfee how do I turn off your daily pop ads? It drives me crazy. You’re supposed to be protecting my computer not spamming me to death.

[Joe @jfdrules]

I’m watching Suits on Netflix, which is supposed to be about a law firm. But 0 attorneys have dual monitors. It lost me.

[Joe @jfdrules]

When I’m feeling lazy and can’t finish drafting an email, I just abruptly stop and end with: “Thoughts?”

[Joe @jfdrules]

The early bird gets the worm. But the sleepy worm avoids the bird. #deepthoughts

[Joe @jfdrules]

@alexisjbd A cocktail that comes covered up with a mask that you have to pull off in order to drink and somehow the drink looks like an old man?

[Joe @jfdrules]

When I’m at a new restaurant why do I always ask someone at the table where bathroom is, listen to none of the directions, then proceed with a slow walk around the restaurant like a lost toddler?

[Joe @jfdrules]

The guy at the oil change place taught me how to reset the annoying pop-up reminder. Now I never need an oil change again! #leasedcar

[Joe @jfdrules]

I hate it when I complete a task that’s NOT on my daily to do list. Makes me feel like I’ve accomplished nothing. Gahhh

[Joe @jfdrules]

@eddienasser 1. Join local bar associations. Knowing your colleagues is invaluable.
2. Understand/accept imposter syndrome is normal. It’s a good thing. If you think you know everything, that’s dangerous.
3. Continue your legal education. Even if your state doesn’t require it.

[Joe @jfdrules]

@WolverineChron @MGoJDBlue It’s almost impossible to find a video of this because, in part, the game wasn’t televised. Also the freshman manager recording the game on a camcorder got distracted / excited when he saw Robert all alone on a drive. Please forgive him.

[Joe @jfdrules]

My true friends know my hopes and dreams, starting with my desire to buy an aluminum boat only so I can chainsaw it in half and glue it back together with flex seal.

[Joe @jfdrules]

Season 3 of Ted Lasso starts on the ides of March, which can only mean a season of backstabbing

[Joe @jfdrules]

Do you think Eckhart Tolle works out or is he like I’m going to be present and eat these nachos?

[Joe @jfdrules]

I don’t trust restaurants that have Pepsi products and non-Heinz ketchup

[Joe @jfdrules]

Close @PlanetFitness the correct answer was Big Fit Energy. But you knew that.

[Joe @jfdrules]

In 2006, the Killers and Postal Service were on the rise. I thought this obscure band from South Carolina (Baumer) combined the sound of both bands. I was convinced they’d be HUGE. Nope. #wherearetheynow https://t.co/yCKm4dLBvI

[Joe @jfdrules]

I need to stop ending emails with “thanks again.” Seems passive aggressive. (Not like thanks in advance, which is the worst). But still, I don’t need to remind the reader that I said “thanks” 4 sentences ago because I’m so nice. This ends now.

[Joe @jfdrules]

They’re doing a Sex and the City spinoff? I can only assume it’s called Herpes in the Suburbs

[Joe @jfdrules]

The new edit text feature on the iPhone is huge for those with anger management issues.

[Joe @jfdrules]

I just spent over $100 at ALDI which is like spending $30 at Taco Bell on an order for yourself