Jon Francis

Stevie Wonder truther. Non-Fungible.

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

@BoredElonMusk Lł

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

Now do human voices vs mosquitoes! We need to find out who’s #1

South Africa's Kruger National Park study: Animals fear human voices more than lions https://t.co/cZz4wjgl9c

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

I once made a joke to my vet about my dog getting snapped, saying he was getting “Bob Barkered”. The vet started laughing. I said, “everyone doesn’t make the same joke?” Evidently, it was the first time. #BobBarker #helpcontrolthepetpopulation

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

https://t.co/Qd2Zv5rQhy

Vegas hurricane. What's the under/over on windows broken?

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

Are Beef Wellington and Pigs in a Blanket/cocktail wieners technically the same thing?

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

Red Velvet is not an appropriate cake to choose for an Easter lamb-shaped cake.

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

Found wife’s evil twin https://t.co/UW3JvtpWSm

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

“Denmark, take the deal. It’s a win-win. You get a tropical island; off load an island with an infrastructure problem. We get a bigger spot on the map and offload an island with an infrastructure problem.”

https://t.co/9kEgfH4Y1P

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

New carpet in the house. New house rules every time I pass my wife. Made it clear that I had every intention of walking in the carpet; maybe sitting in it too.

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

@1JeremyStraus @MarvelStudios Thor already has it https://t.co/aIAhWxmSPU

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

The whole fam is excited to see @MarvelStudios #Thor today. I get tix for opening day. Today, I say to the family "You know what today is? THORSday" NO ONE LAUGHS.
My joke was funny, technically correct, and timely. I'm repeating it till I get my laugh from them.

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

How come they didn't sell tickets to watch "influencers" wait a bit for a bus? This would have sold a lot of tix. https://t.co/qBg34r26RN

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

This bird you cannot change https://t.co/bcQCQXkKMi

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

@Diddy offered to broker the peace between @chrisrock and #WillSmith. Hes mind fucking them right now. https://t.co/xAw92YQ1QR. #WillAndChris

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

Cool now do “things that can bash heads”. Why are we giving #skynet ideas? https://t.co/5nUomV2jgN

[Crosspatch-ish 🇺🇸 @VictorishB123]

@ChuckMcManis @RALee85 No, Russians invented grid fins for missiles like this decades ago.

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

The great thing about the #WDW app is that you don’t even need to go to Disney or buy a ticket to wait in line. Pretty much eliminates the whole reason to go to Orlando.

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

Every time I see John C Reilly in a movie Ithink, “that guy is really a better actor than he gets credit for.” Then he makes that John C Reilly voice.

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

@erinpogmothoin “G”

[Jon Francis @jfranci3]

Russia boss level fight just got a little easier. You’re just going up against a red belt now. https://t.co/DwqXwbJo0q