Jill Barber

Contrarian librarian. Delicate genius. Hot single in your area who wants to meet you. I used to be funny.

[Jill Barber @jilleb163]

For the last time, Mom, Ryan's not my boyfriend. He's just the guy who's going to be slowly destroying my soul for the next few months.

[Rob Friedman @PitchingNinja]

Zack Greinke, 51mph vs. Zack Greinke,100mph.

[Wes Davis @GatoraudWes]

@byDavidGardner “I’m here live, I’m not a cat” is my slogan for 2021 until further notice.

[David Gardner @byDavidGardner]

"I'm here live. I'm not a cat."

A lawyer logged into the 394th Judicial District with a cat filter on and couldn't turn it off.

This may be the funniest video I've seen this year.

[rebekah @rebekah_e_s]

This TikTok of huskies screaming to Piano Man will sustain me for weeks

[Jill Barber @jilleb163]

I'm not saying cats were a mistake, but I think if we domesticate another animal maybe we should choose one whose energy doesn't peak at 4am.

[Amee Vanderpool @girlsreallyrule]

When you're such an asshat on the Nora Roberts discussion thread, insisting you know more about publishing than Nora Roberts, and then Nora Roberts shows up to handle you.*

*Note to self: Find a way to work, "I have personally explained the process to you, Debra" into anything.

[Oregon Zoo @OregonZoo]

the baby

[Justin “Hoops” McElroy @JustinMcElroy]

Please do not defend fireworks as “fun” to me. You know what’s fun? A very loud Garth Brooks concert. But if you shoot Garth Brooks into the air and explode him 10 feet from my home while my sick toddler is trying to sleep, you’re an inconsiderate person.

[Alexis “Bring Back Bunheads” Wilson @sassyblackdiva]

they should do something about the guy on the pringles cans too tbh. not a racial thing i just don’t like his energy.

[Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein]

This could all be over in 10 seconds

[jo @whatsJo]

it’s the third month of March, every day is Wednesday, and the time is either light or dark

[grit @GRITknox]

This thread will serve as a Jose Altuve hbp spray chart.

[Dan Rather @DanRather]

There will be a time when many people will have a vested interest in pushing the narrative that none of this was predictable. That will be a lie.

[ACLU @ACLU]

The ICE warrant on the left does NOT authorize agents to enter a home without permission.

La orden de ICE a la izquierda NO autoriza a los agentes a entrar al domicilio sin permiso.

[Jacy Catlin @ieatanddrink]

I used to think I could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

[rock concert]
me *normal speaking voice*: ᶠʳᵉᵉᵇᶦʳᵈ

[Jess Dweck @TheDweck]

These teams are playing like they know whoever wins goes to the White House

[Jill Barber @jilleb163]

The worst part of the Dodgers losing the world series is knowing how happy Ben Affleck is. Ben Affleck does not deserve joy, or happiness, or satisfaction, or love.