John Ireland

The greatest swordsman, wit and lover in all of the West Midlands.

[Rhine Stoned Cowboy @BisqueBoi]

I think about this reply every single day of my life

[yoshimi battles video game addiction @nise_yoshimi]

snake that's roland, the headless thompson gunner. our intel says he's the eternal thompson gunner, still wandering through the night. you might want to try tossing a chaff grenade.

[🌲dam 🇵🇸 @adambyrne_]

had coffee and pastry in the garden

[Aaron Gwyn @AmericanGwyn]

Shoutout to James Joyce who, in 1926, would start fights in Paris bars, then turn to a young Ernest Hemingway and say, “Finish it, Hem!”

[Benny Feldman @Feldfrog]

They should have a thing called Cool Libraries where you can talk really loud, and maybe have a few beers.

Reading out loud to your homies sitting pretzel style in a circle, they each have a 6 pack. Doing fun voices and sound effects. The homies are chiming in, riffing, laughing

[✧☆✦ @VOIDTHROAT]

You think some fish r little freaks posting on fish twitter about wanting to get pierced by a spear or a hook? I dont, i think that their minds are clear and swift and that their hearts are light.

[antifa🔻girlfriend @lllliatttt]

BORN TO DAWDLE FORCED TO HASTEN

[furby hancock @furby_hancock]

kroger cashier: how are the pleasures lately?

me: scant, my darling, scant.

cashier: and the delights?

me: (swiping card) the delights are fine.

[mi @exmachinaes]

him: you better not be humbly enjoying the small wonders of life
me:

[Follow @DannyVegito @KeiferReloaded]

yeah Top Gun is propaganda. I’m taking a propa ganda at Jennifer Connelly

[Burt Kina-Faso @Yogalnstructor]

My buddies and I used to play bank account chicken where you wire them the full contents of your account and say “bet you won’t send it back” but our wives made us stop

[FREE THEM ALL 🇵🇸 @djmuel_]

appy pride init
luv twinks
h8 transphobia
luv pints
lets av it

[John Ireland @jirelandish]

Lego Star Wars taught me the valuable lesson that it is good and right to use children to access crawl spaces

[John Ireland @jirelandish]

Me realising that I actually enjoy the acoustic versions from Taylor Swift's Midnights (2022):

[hope @LAlNLAlN]

breakfast is a dreamer's meal, victuals for the starry-eyed eternal optimists, so full of hope and possibility... dinner is of course a solemn and grand affair, timeless, enjoyed by the thoughtful noble. but lunch is the preferred meal only of the deranged

[Rory McCarthy @roryisconfused]

Fascinated by those magazines you see in supermarkets called like ‘Take a Break!’ and ‘That’s Life!’ where they have these happy bright fonts and 7 headlines that all describe the kind of story that a Doestoevsky character tells another to try to make them stop believing in God

[dudermane @612jack]

(wallace voice) the gun, gromit. kill me lad!