Jenny Bortz 🌻

I’m Brantley’s mom, and I got it going on 🤷🏼‍♀️

[trash jones @jzux]

“what do your tattoos mean” they mean nobody stopped me

[Nedra Glover Tawwab @NedraTawwab]

Children are not appropriate emotional confidants. Even if they are great listeners, stop making them “mature for the age” by overloading them with adult problems.

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

Entering my MILF era

Man
I’d
Like a
Frontal Lobotomy

[Emily Porter, M.D. @dremilyportermd]

I had a guy friend with a Ph.D in engineering ask me last week how women pee with a tampon in and this is why men shouldn’t be passing laws about women’s bodies.

[madiiipaige. @madiiiipaige]

I just want beer and bonfires

[✿ 𝕂𝕖𝕟𝕫𝕚𝕖 ✿ @KenzieJMeyer]

Sorry but being a simp for your gf is ✨s e x y✨

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

I am too old for any “u up?” bullshit like sorry if you want to see me send me a fucking google calendar invite 10 days in advance

[Jenny Bortz 🌻 @jjbortz]

@kyleigh35 How did you not know that? Geez Kyleigh

[lydcrackedup @lydcrackedup]

The feminine urge to know why..

[Marisela✨ @_mariisela]

Can we pls normalize sex toys during partnered sex? It doesn’t mean someone isn’t doing enough, it literally benefits both people. Stop letting insecurities get in the way of amazing sex and orgasms 🤧

[Jenny Bortz 🌻 @jjbortz]

I’m watching Sex Life and it’s making me so fucking mad. Billie is breaking Coopers heart and she doesn’t even care.

[Jake @RealJakeBortz]

Need me a Splenda father

[Jenny Bortz 🌻 @jjbortz]

Someone Venmo me $500 for lip fillers. Please and thanks

[Jenny Bortz 🌻 @jjbortz]

Working on my mental health and cutting the negative out of my life is so refreshing 😌

[Jenny Bortz 🌻 @jjbortz]

Does anybody else have a running list of baby names in their phone or is it just me?

[Redda @fragoles]

ok ok just had a talk with my bf where I was like "sometimes I get so excited while reading my eyes.. skip over entire paragraphs? n then I have to like force myself to stop reading and go back to read the parts I missed" n he was like "NO ONE DOES THAT" pls tell me I'm not alone