J.Lynn Lyons

Worst covert operative ever... or best.

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

So everyone cries a little when they’re reminded that Optimus Prime died, right?

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

@LLBean you make the best slippers ever… and my dog wanted me to let you know they were delicious! Good thing Christmas is coming up. #AdoptDontShop #dogsontwitter #SirLewis

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

Medleys are just antique mash-ups.

#mashup
#medley
#Wisdom

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

Hey folks, if you plan on renting a truck to move avoid @Budget truck rentals. You can make a reservation, but they just might not have a truck. They might not call to tell you, and they might not care either way. Might I suggest a reliable donkey and cart? #movingtips #budget

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

@TMobileHelp @TMobileCFO See you there.

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

@TMobile after 19 years I am cancelling my service based solely on your policies regarding existing customers and promotions. I shouldn’t have to update my plan to get a new phone. I would get more personal satisfaction using a pay phone, if they weren’t extinct. CC: @TMobileCFO

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

Battles are hard to win when the only people fighting are are those directly affected. I decided to show my support for the #WGA by cancelling streaming services. I support #Equity.

Today I cancelled #appletv #netflix #prime and #hulu.

#wgastrong #amptp #wgastrike

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

As the full moon tonight also happens to be the flower moon, I’ve decided I will come out of it as whatever form of carnivorous flora that terrifies the world the most. Thank you for understanding.

#FlowerMoon #fullmoon #carnivorousflowers

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

I applied to #NYU’s Creative Writing #MFA program almost 15 weeks ago. I still haven’t heard anything from them. I’m about to pull a George Constanza and just show up like, yeah, I think I’m supposed to start here today. #Seinfeld #writerslife

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

Texting is the 21st century version of passing notes in high school. Leaving someone on read is putting that note in your bag without answering even though they’re in the next aisle over and saw you get the note.

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

I went Trader Joe’s yesterday, so it probably goes without saying that my whole place smells like pumpkin spice today.

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

It’s wild that we used to like root for Ross and Rachel. He sucks. Like super awful.

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

FYI the Valvoline oil change place on St Charles is a thirst trap. This staff is too pretty to be just changin oil. This is like the reality show of oil changes. #NewOrleans

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

So I blame @VancityReynolds and @RMcElhenney than I now give a shit about not only national league football in general, but #WrexhamFX specifically.

PS can you restock those Wrexham snap backs, thanks.

[ICE T @FINALLEVEL]

'6 n the Morning Feds at your door.....'

[Nana⁷ 🐋🏒💎 @KimNana_95]

Finally someone with braincells in this fucked up festival

#Woodstock99

[sagesurge @sagesurge]

Hello Police,

I would like to conduct a citizens arrest on John Scher for being a POS

#Woodstock99

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

I put Indian curry powder in my oatmeal this morning instead of cinnamon, so I guess this day already decided how it was going to go.

[J.Lynn Lyons @Jlynnl]

In my 20’s I had a therapist tell me that I chased the wrong guys. Well yeah, no shit, I’m in my 20’s. I never really examined it much until I watched #TheBear on #FX and found myself hopelessly crushing on Carmy.

[De Elizabeth @deelizabeth_]

Actually the sluttiest thing a man can do is open both doors of Helm’s Deep at the same time

[Laura Kat 🐱 @Katparty666]

32 in the suburbs is 45 and 32 in the city is 22. I can’t explain but I’m right.