Jordan Musser

You've gotta risk it to get the biscuit

[Jordan Musser @JMussBus]

It pains me to admit when anyone is better than me at anything. But @breezy_dink is better at me at sucking. Watch this video. Man, Doesn’t she suck?! Everybody tell her how impressive she is and also tell her happy birthday bc it’s also her birthday. I’ll go first. Happy birthda

[Phil Jamesson @PhilJamesson]

cancel culture

[Jordan Musser @JMussBus]

@K_Mac32 your*

[Ben Yahr @benyahr]

A cop in full riot gear getting hit by an empty White Claw

[Mara Wilson @MaraWilson]

Why do people ever stan politicians, politician is the one occupation where it is and should be acceptable for all of us to yell at them all the time

[KSN🃏 @KImfura_104]

The two at the top murdered a combined of 32 people. The two at the bottom sold illegal cigarettes and wrote a bad check...

[Eddie Dougrou @didgeridougrou]

Shit the simpsons really did predict 2020

[wint @dril]

my life flashes before my eyes and its mostly just me sitting on the toilet. i enter survival mode and begin instinctively wiping my ass

[wint @dril]

a month ago everyone was scared thy were going to die so they immediately grabbed as much toilet paper as possible & wiped thier ass with it

[Jordan Musser @JMussBus]

@mattselsor I figured people would just assume tbh. Happy to accept the praise!!

[Colin Quinn @iamcolinquinn]

Im calling it now. When 2020 finally ends the story of the year will be the corona virus.

[🐟 𝒈𝒂𝒍 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒏 🐠 @galgracen]

this is absolutely the worst solo i have ever heard by any instrument

[Tim Dillon @TimJDillon]

I just saw two people not social distancing so I hit them with my car. This isn’t a game.

[ken for you📘 @24hrken]

can we normalise ending phone calls without having a reason

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

Ok, for the uninitiated, here is Frank Sinatra explaining to Johnny Carson in 44 brilliant seconds exactly why Don Rickles is a fucking legend. The payoff is worth your time: https://t.co/w8rsOIbprJ

[kelbin @pissboymcgee]

people whose stomachs get upset by spicy food are second class citizens