MTEMI BOKONO

Maina

[Gabriel mo: @Gabriel_gunner2]

Unalala na deni ya 30k, ukiamka umeshinda 30'500. Mambo mengine hata huwezi eleza mtu aelewe🤦
Only on #Helabet

[Moe @moneyacademyKE]

There is a story being published by Nation on the secrets of the Sh1.5 billion Equity Bank heist.

This remains to be one of Kenya’s biggest reported banking fraud cases.

Read the Thread below:

[Mihr Thakar @MihrThakar]

20 useful accounts to follow:

1. @beth_kasinga - Diaspora living from a dynasty perspective

2. @SokoAnalyst - Market analysis

3. @TheAbojani - Banking sector

4. @cheruiyotkb - Personal finance

5. @CaremartChemist - Medical/pharmaceutical

6. @Bookten8 - Lifestyle

7. @WilexGmbH - Automotive

8. @aziz_mire - Business

9. @carrington_fx - Forex rates

10. @Kibet_bull - Politics

11. @africaupdates - African news

12. @Theo_mwangi - Crypto

13. @nderi_j - Economics

14. @ZeddyBariti - Travel content

15. @MeteoKenya - Weather updates Kenya

16. @mcpipita - Radio and conversations

17. @NyakundiReport - Latest news

18. @mnandii - One of the best technical analysts in Kenya

19. @CJ_Haslett - Africa from the Beach

20. @NjokiOdongo - Coffee

[Economist @Economist254]

The older I get, the more I realize this: A KSh 10 million Mercedes and a KSh 1 million Toyota will both get you to your destination. A KSh 50 million mansion in Karen and a modest home in Ruiru or Rongai will both give you a place to rest. The most expensive phone still makes the same calls as a cheaper one. Money buys comfort, not contentment. Real wealth is peace of mind, good health, meaningful work, and people who genuinely care about you.

[Omwamba 🇰🇪 @omwambaKE]

Hii introduction unimaliza sana.
Dr. Constantine Wesonga Opiyo, PhD, LLB,LLM, CBA, Return to work formula😂

[Mr Wanjala @oneswanzala]

An Mpesa agent in Kapsabet has lost 243,000 in 5 MINUTES

This is how it happened.
A man walked into her shop. Asks if she can deposit 243,000 to his Mpesa Account.

The agent checks her float and finds only 30,000.

She borrows/ outsources additional 213,000 from another agent to serve the customer who hands over 243000 to her for onward deposit to his Mpesa wallet.

She counts the money and confirms the amount.

The agent' initiates the transaction, -inputs the customer's ID and Mobile Number....

Fisrt attempt failed. Reason.....she had input wrong number.....

Second attempt........ similar details provided by customer but transaction failed!

Third attempt..... Same details,transaction fails

Fourth attempt.... same details, transaction failed.

No transaction message from safaricom..

Customer demands his cash back.

Mpesa attendant hands back money 243k .

Mans walks out....

Minutes later, she checks balance.... only 58 bob left... yes you heard me....only 58 bob

Calls safaricom Customer Care....

Reply? Money withdrawn 5 minutes ago!.
Anyway
Mpesa agents tuwakumbuke kwa maombi
They go through alot

[The married man @marriedmn]

STOP ASKING YOUR WIFE"HOW WAS WORK OR HOW WAS YOUR DAY."

She will always say "fine" every single time.

A psychologist told me to replace it with one of these 4 instead (They always make her open up):

[CBS Sports Golazo ⚽️ @CBSSportsGolazo]

How would Bruno Guimarães fit into this Arsenal squad?

@MikeLahoud and @GeoffShreeves explain why he could be the perfect piece to complement the Gunners' title-winning midfield 💪

[Ole Teya @TeyaKevin]

New Gor Mahia striker Denis Omedi had his goal nominated for Puskas.

[Yoko @Kibet_bull]

If I was the sugoi tyrant I would have resigned, this hate is too deep.

[Ole Teya @TeyaKevin]

MILDRED OMARI CHECHE

She guided Kenya U17 to their first-ever FIFA U-17 Women's World Cup qualification in 2024.

Now, she has done it again.

Cheche remains the only Kenyan coach to have led a national football team to a FIFA World Cup, achieving the feat twice in 2024 and 2026.

[GISTE @ggiste]

Na mjue mnashangaza KRA sana

There are over 20 Million Kenyans engaged in some type of economic activity but only 7 Millon file returns and around 3-4 Million actually pay taxes.

KRA is wondering how you guys survive in this country. You are eating, paying rent, paying school fees but ikifika kwa returns mna-file Nill!

How exactly are you surviving…

Mnalipa rent Kshs 15k, school ya watoto mnalipa an average of 10k per month.. Lakini KRA ikiwauliza mnasema hamna kazi mnasurvive na neema ya Sir God!😂😂😂

Now KRA is instructing landlords who are filling Monthly Rental Income to input pin of the tenant.

Ukishaweka pin ya tenant.. KRA will be able to tell aaaah so you pay Rent 50k and you have no job and no business. Would you mind having a sit down with us to explain how exactly do you manage to do that!

This will happen when you try to file your Nill return next year. The system will pick your monthly rent as filled by the Landlord and multiply by 12 months. So when you click file, you will have a red alert informing you that you have Kshs. 600k expenses you have not claimed from KRA. Their argument will be simple. If you have an expense then you have an income. If you have an income then you must file it.

If you tell KRA where your income comes from they will follow the other person who gave you the money and the sequence will continue.

Hapa mbele hakuna escape plan.

Ushuru lazima tutalipa ndio Kiberiti atutegemee kuzurura western!

[𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐮𝐬 @mentormqsculus]

10 DARK PSYCHOLOGY TRICKS MEN USE TO FUCCCK WOMEN.

Men only. Take notes.

[Brutal Game @brutal_truth0]

7 CONVERSATIONS THAT LEAD TO S€x :

1. The bad girl switch

[SokoAnalyst @SokoAnalyst]

Today’s customer wants speed, trust, value and convenience. Any business that delivers all four will win.

[Savage Manhood @Savage_Manhood]

After dating more than 10 women and f*cking more than 25 of them, here are 10 truths about women I learned.

1. It is easier to fvck married women and those in a relationship than single ones.

[Y0BESH @Y0BESH]

Who needs to pay for DStv when u can literally stream football games free on these sites:

~Cricfy Tv
~Sportzfy
~Playfly
~Starball Tv
~Epic sports
~Vipbox
~Footybite
~Fctv33
~Youcine
~Camel1live
~Sportzspeed 24
~Koralive
~Football libre
~Vip League
~Liveball
~Gingabet
~Fawanews
~Rbtv
~Yasen Tv
~Koralive
~808sports

[Simons @Simon_Ingari]

2021: No salary increase
2022: No salary increase
2023: No salary increase
2024: No salary increase
2025: No salary increase

2026:
Employee: “Kindly accept my resignation.”

Boss: “But you’re doing such a great job! Why are you leaving?”

Employee: “I’ve received a new job offer with a 65% salary increase, and there’s also a guaranteed annual raise based on performance.”

48 hours later…

[Tatenda @Tatenda_Agro]

HOW TO BUILD A 100-GOAT FARM IN 18 MONTHS

Many farmers dream of owning 100 goats. Few understand the system behind it. Here's how to grow your goat farm to 100 strong animals in just 18 months using planning, breeding, and proper management.

A small thread

[Terryanne Chebet @TerryanneChebet]

Top 5 Richest People in NSE

1. Philip Ndegwa family
Portfolio value: $180.80 million (KSh23.3 billion)
Holdings: 14.94% stake in NCBA Group

2. Mama Ngina Kenyatta & family
Portfolio value: $159.75 million (Ksh.20.5 billion)
Holdings: 13.2% stake in NCBA Group

3. Zarin Merali and family
Portfolio value: $89.97 million (Ksh.11.6 billion)
Holdings: 5.41% stake in NCBA Group; 74% stake in Sameer Africa

4. James Mwangi
Portfolio value: $67.62 million (Ksh.8.7 billion)
Holdings: 3.39% stake in Equity Group Holdings

5. Baloobhai Patel
Portfolio value: $66.87 million (Ksh.8.6 billion)
Holdings: 49.9% stake in Carbacid Kenya; 1.7% of Co-operative Bank, 1.2% of Absa Bank Kenya, 0.5% of CIC Insurance Group

@NSE_PLC
Cc - https://t.co/KgapCmhWOe