JohnTheBartender

I'm a former Virgin, practicing worshiper of all things fucking cool and soon to be dominant ladies man.

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

Hey Dudes... still looking for my invite! #LostInTheMail #BlueBauersOnMe

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

This. #GJ2017

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

I think she lives in Kalamazoo now. #Peaches4ever

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

We all called her Peaches... #WorldChocolateMilkDay

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

She was African-American... #WorldChocolateMilkDay

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

I was breastfed (by my cousin) until age 11... turned out just fine. #WorldMilkDay

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

Hey guys, I'm free the weekend of June 24th. My handicap is low. And my blood alcohol level high! #shots #bestfriends #wispystache

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? It's John the Bartender here. @britneyspears @katyperry @realdonaldtrump #InternetFriendsDay

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

Hate it when people don't reply to my Facebook friend requests. #Iknowwhereyousleep #tintedglasses #newchainsaw #deliverance

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

It may help end AIDS but I think your lips just gave me herpes. #thanksMiley #WhyDoesMyPeeSting https://t.co/HTQJ4cRUT8

[MILEY @miley]

Help end AIDS with my #VIVAGLAM lipstick, online in North America now!! 💋💄 http://t.co/R9gkwpGSPM

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

I can't disagree with the judge... Tom Brady's balls are perfect. #tombrady #wearaglove

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

JobSite is asking for College minor... How do they know I'm a registered sex offender? #soontobeunemployed

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

Updating my resume.

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

First 19 drinks and counting are free tonight. @joshduggar #oops @ashleymadison #ashleymadisonhack #happyhour

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

Weekend Forecast is here. #sunnywithachanceofboob

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

I got 6 inches right here Subway boy.
#jaredfogle #ThingsJaredwillhearinjail

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

Stocking up for the weekend. @TheFakeBauer #ILikeToParty #GreenJacket2015

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

No one will be crushing it today quite like me. #fridaywedding #fireball #johnsgettinglucky #witha10 #ora2 #whocares

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

I'll be pouring Free John Daly's for anyone who tosses their club in the lake today. #PGAChampionship

[JohnTheBartender @john_bartender]

If Twitter suggests that you follow me. You should really listen to Twitter. #listentotwitter #fireballshots