John Brown

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

If you haven't grown up by the time you are fifty, you don't have to.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

Me after a no-laugh joke: You’re going to miss me when I’m gone.

Lucy: Yes I will. But you’re here now so I don’t.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

Having a teenage son is like having the world's worst roommate.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

Observation: guys in Corvettes wave at each other.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

I thought my life would be like a ZZ Top video by now.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

How to make your wife really mad: in the grocery store put an item back in the wrong place.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

@scianalytics @driveclutch @Porsche Thanks Warren!

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

Life pro tip: if you want to drive your children insane, yell "I win!" randomly.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

@Kid_Ink hey, just wanted to say I think you are a good role model because you spell correctly.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

When your wife is out of town you can load the dishwasher ALL WRONG! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

My son lingers over the @CocaColaCo Freestyle machine like he's buying a diamond.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

@Loree2e @scottyperkins @GeorgiaAquarium Did you go to the beluga whale tank?

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

@jschab Joe, you of all people should know true genius is never appreciated in its own time.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

I propose new federal code: the pitiful restaurant bathroom air hand dryer is outlawed.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

We installed @ATT fiber at my house.

I have reached self-actualization on Maslows hierarchy of needs.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

Life pro tip: don't look at who is coming in behind you in the 5K. Because they probably have strollers.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

My son gets mad at me and yells every time I dance in the living room. My house is the town of Footloose.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

The current state of social media makes me long for a simpler time when it was only about your own narcissism.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

A nice car won't get you happiness but you can pull up right next to it.

[John Brown @johnjexbrown]

The Incredibles! Just for you, @timherdklotz