Jokes Apart

Friendly

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@UBACares I am so happy to have all my issues resolved. Thanks Omotola.

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@UBACares, I can't but let you know that Omotola is exceptional in your team. She attended to my issues with utmost professionalism and I am highly delighted. She paid attention to details and she is indeed result-oriented.

She reminded me of how I displayed HEIR as a staff.

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@MrAndyNgo As how? Are the citizens not aware of this?

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@UBAGroup why is no one responding to customers? I sent requests for days and no response. Even your @UBACares did not respond.

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@Teeniiola You need deliverance. Oya take the engagement you're messing yourself up for.

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@WalsallCouncil Keep on the good job for our Walsall.

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@EmilySm43 I've had mine for 22years.

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@_BarnyO Simbi

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@Teeniiola Mine is 1

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@Tega_4u @peace_igho They’re so senseless for engagement

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@ClassyDeka1 My condolences, please be strong.

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@ruffydfire Don’t be deceived, you’re not loved as stated. You’re always attacking your guests and rude as well. You’re one of the reasons I don’t like @ARISEtv. Go learn the ethics of journalism and be professional in your presentation.

[Nigerians in the UK 🇳🇬🇬🇧 @NIUKCommunity]

The NHS has issued an urgent warning for people not to venture outside as the UK braces for three days of snowfall and a -10C ice blast this weekend.

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@Oluomoofderby 🤣🤣🤣🤣 the oponupomilo for me.

[A. Ayofe @abdullahayofel]

This my brother is always factual and constructive in all his analysis ❤️🇳🇬

[Reno Omokri @renoomokri]

The Ambani wedding cost $600 million. Please fact-check me. Rema got paid millions of dollars to perform. Stars, the rich and famous, as well as influential people from all over the world, were there. Yet, you allow yourself to be manipulated by your pastor into believing that 'If you do not pay your tithes, things will be tight for you'. How much tithe did Mukesh Ambani pay to be worth over $100 billion?

One megachurch pastor even recently said if you don't pay your tithe, your life is at risk. Today is Professor Wole Soyinka's ninetieth birthday. He has NEVER paid tithe in his life. He does not even believe in God. Why was his life not cut short if what the pastor told you is true?

It is time to emancipate yourselves from being manipulated by religion.

If you do not pay tithes, your life is NOT at risk. Please fact-check me: As a nation, Japan has the highest average life expectancy of any country on Earth, with an average life span of 84 years. Yet, Christians make up only 1.5% of their population, and the vast majority of their Christians do not pay tithes. Meanwhile, Nigeria has one of the lowest average life expectancies on Earth, with the average Nigerian living for only 53 years. Yet, we are one of the most religious countries on Earth, with a large population of tithe payers. 

How can a pastor tell you that your life is at risk if you do not pay tithe and you will remain in that place?

I have read Scripture in the original languages of Hebrew, Aramaic and Koine Greek. The word "devourer" in the King James Version of Malachi 3:11 is an agricultural term. It is common in agriculture. The devourer there just means an agricultural pest. It will be clear if you read that verse in the original Hebrew or a modern-day English version. Let me give you some versions:

"I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the LORD Almighty."-New International Version. 

"I will also stop locusts from destroying your crops and keeping your vineyards from producing."-Contemporary English Version. 

"I will rebuke the locust for you, so that it will not destroy the produce of your soil; and your vine in the field shall not be barren, says the LORD of hosts.."-New Revised Standard Version.

The King James Bible was written in 1611. Many words used in the KJV have different meanings today. For example, the word Africa is not used in the KJV. Instead, Africa is called Cush and Black peoples are called Cushites.

In 1611, agricultural pests were called devourers. That is why Malachi 3:11 in the King James Version says:

"And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts."

It does not mean that God will kill you if you do not pay your tithes.

Even Yeshua, who we follow (not worship), did not collect tithes.

Yeshua Hamasiach (Jesus Christ) only mentioned tithes when He mentioned them strictly in agricultural terms and only to the Pharisees who were under the law. We see this in Matthew 23:23:

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices--mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law--justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.”

Now, I pronounce a blessing on you. You and your household will not die if you do not pay tithes. My God shall bless you, and you are likely to live as long as a Japanese, as long as you are hardworking, avoid red meat, be family conscious, and maintain hygiene.

Reno Omokri

Gospeller. Deep Thinker. #TableShaker. Ruffler of the Feathers of Obidents. #1 Bestselling author of Facts Versus Fiction: The True Story of the Jonathan Years. Hodophile. Hollywood Magazine Humanitarian of the Year, 2019. Business Insider Influencer of the Year 2022.

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@UBAGroup, why is it difficult to get Umobile on a new device? It’s been hell with the Umobile and your staff are not proactive to resolve my issue. Going back and forth. I got my other banks app seamlessly without having to contact the banks. Please do better

[Reno Omokri @renoomokri]

Bola Tinubu initiated, started, completed and commissioned the Millennium Secondary Schools in Lagos, including:

The Abibatu Mogaji Millennium Secondary School, Agege.

The Bola Ige Millennium Secondary School, Ajeromi.

The Babs Fafunwa Millennium Secondary School, Ojodu.

The Millennium Senior Secondary School, Egbeda.

Please find photos of each of these schools attached. This is in addition to several other schools initiated, started, completed and commissioned by the Tinubu administration. My challenge still stands. Please just name one school initiated, started, completed and commissioned by Peter Obi during the eight years he was Governor of Anambra and win ₦11,400,000, the present equivalent of $10,000.

#TableShaker

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@raheemsalau @Justolaola @BTOofficial @MinOfInteriorNG @aeonalloy @nigimmigration And here you are telling me you can find a way out. @BTOofficial, there's a learning curve in this issue. Your attention will be appreciated.

[Jokes Apart @joke416]

@raheemsalau @Justolaola @BTOofficial @MinOfInteriorNG @aeonalloy @nigimmigration Are you telling me that there is no provision for such an emergency? What happens to having a fee for such changes? Rather than allow your staff milk citizens. You are indirectly encouraging corruption then. If I pay the £250 per head, I'd be able to capture it, even by tomorrow.