seriously!!

No YOU got drunk and farted in a shoe box!!

[seriously!! @jonathanjoe76]

Nothing screams holidays like the drunk Santa at Walmart that kinda peed on himself...

[The_martinigirl @The_MartiniGirl]

Most of my damage is done while drinking.

[Donna T @sweetg35]

If u carry bricks from your past relationship to your new one, u will build the same house.

[Steve O @SteveOHellNo]

Poor choices, that's my specialty!

[Slotjunkierose @slotjunkierose]

Saw my therapist at the liquor store today....her name is vodka.

[Jenipher @jehujeni]

Twelve. Apparently thats the amount of times I said ‘fuck’ in a voice message. I’m such a Lady.

[I'm yer Freckleberry @PicklesnPickles]

I think Twitter brings out the pervy in some of y'all.

[seriously!! @jonathanjoe76]

@amyjcordova thanks for that kickass list add!!

[seriously!! @jonathanjoe76]

Was my pleasure doll. @2_LipiLicious

[Jenipher @jehujeni]

“Think of the worst possible outcome & when shit hits the fan,remember, it could b worse”

and THATS how u get ppl to stop askin for advice

[seriously!! @jonathanjoe76]

You look a lot like somebody I'd fuck against the wall...

[WhoDat Nation @WhoDatNationn]

Saints 2014 season schedule!! #whodat

[Will Rodgers @xWILLRODGERSx]

Sure, Mustard and Ketchup go great with a Hotdog...

I'm just saying Vodka is my Favorite condiment...

[Jason @5oulhealer]

When you fuck something up so bad you can't recognize what it was before!

That's a trophy winning moment!

[seriously!! @jonathanjoe76]

If my penis is in your mouth u best believe you have my undivided attention.

[seriously!! @jonathanjoe76]

Artificial hips?
That's why I have thrust issues....

[seriously!! @jonathanjoe76]

If all else fails, read the instructions.

Me apparently...

[Sorta.Maleficent @xosm]

I'm just shivering here in your front bushes trying gathering intel as to why you unfollowed me
Yes, those are handcuffs & ether
NOW TELL ME