Jon Hanford

Git/Vox @theeancientasse

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

@kinggizzard Time = Fate would be huge!

[Tim Dillon @TimJDillon]

Now to review: the government banning people on social media, freezing their bank accounts, getting their friends in the media to dox them, and convincing everyone this is for the good of society IS BAD.

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

@TimJDillon 2011 Hofstra University standup competition... A Mitch Hedberg “tribute comedian” (his words) assumed MH’s identity doing a mix of old jokes and new ones he wrote in Hedberg’s style and WON. The judges had never heard of Mitch Hedberg.

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

Always a good idea to have @MLB Opening Day on April 1...

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

Sometimes I wish I could put my parents up for adoption. #onlychildproblems #seniorcare

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

WHAT?! When did this happen?!?! And why was this ever abandoned?!?!?!

[The Discourse Lover @Trillburne]

This is what they took from us. Reject modernity, embrace tradition

[Jordan Perry @thisjordanperry]

i hope white people watching the police brutalize protestors realize that white privilege is a courtesy granted to them by the ruling class and that it is the first thing that will be dropped in the event of a revolution

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

@TommmyBear @JoeListComedy Mandolin cover now!

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

@samsara_maya Congrats! Welcome to the other side #coconutwateraddict

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

I feel like I have less privacy now that my loud neighbors are quarantined. I’d have more privacy in a Dollar Tree parking lot. Might have to take my creative sessions there... Anyone else think that maybe Reese McGuire was just ahead of his time?

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

@samsara_maya No way that nose is real

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

Just lost a staring contest to an infant. Tough keeping up with kids these days

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

(2/2) Opposing coach starts screaming at the catcher to throw the ball to 2B because it’s only ball three. Catcher’s confused as he also thinks it’s a walk. Turns into a stolen base for the runner before I ultimately take the next pitch for ball four.

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

(1/2) I didn’t have an illustrious baseball career, but this was my favorite play: Final year of Little League, I’m batting with a runner on 1B. I take what I think is ball four and start jogging to 1B. Runner jogs to 2B.

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

@bigredbball73 Aubrey went 0-for-4... how petty 😂😂😂

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

There’s gotta be at least one person on the no-fly list I’d rather fly with than someone who refuses to wear deodorant.

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

At Starbucks and they served up a “sausage egg McMuffin for Mike.” Anyone else laugh or at least get fuzzy inside when this shit happens?

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

@fvmiller11 @MLB Jeff Nelson... Once kneed myself in the eye and couldn’t see too well for about 15 minutes

[Eric Niesen @EricNiesen]

Man...player development has come a long way from just wearing Phiten necklaces. 😂

[Jon Hanford @jonhanford]

Mom just told me that tomorrow we’re going to see “Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s Battle of the Sexes.” Uhh, can’t wait for that! 😂😂😂