Jordan Bard

[steph @steph_mcca]

when i was 22 i dated a guy who was 27 who broke up w me because we were “just at different places in our lives” and then he told me “for example i have to stretch every morning”

[Jo🌬 @JoanNatson]

Small weekend is over.. now entering big weekend ☹️

[ੈ✩‧₊˚༺miyoko༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @G1RLSLUVMIO]

those lil dog things from lion king

[Becca Bakony @BeccaBakony]

Joker (2019)

[James @CaucasianJames]

u don’t know speed until you’ve seen a horse girl gallop home from the bars at 2am

[Jordan Bard @jordan_bard_]

Hey @laurenhatte , you know what I heard? @emily_kunst just confirmed that she will be in attendance for tonight’s Stubbies! Wo!

[Brady @pebbut]

me going back for a second bowl of some exquisite Cinnamon Toast Crunch at midnight

[s @safaripark24]

Me shutting off my laptop at night & telling myself "I'll finish my work in the morning"

[Danny Deraney @DannyDeraney]

This. Not only proof of evolution, but proof animals are better than us.

Wait for it.

https://t.co/GiD7AwEIPl

[Lisan al-Gains @puppy_eggs]

mr mac is so fucking cancelled. go to penguin jail bitch

[aridennn @aridennn]

Honestly, making grocery lists stifles my creatives freedom #hottake

[Jordan Bard @jordan_bard_]

#MyEggoStory I’m just thinking about how when I was a kid I would take an eggo waffle out of the freezer, put half a stick of butter on it, drench it in syrup and then put it in the microwave. Voilà, a floppy eggo burrito. Dripping in butter.

Anyway, happy Sunday

[sergeant dick lips the third @TeahLhompson]

a waterbed but instead of the water it’s applesauce and there’s a little tube on the side where you can suckle some a sauce if you’re feeling peckish

[kelly @BoyYeetsWorld]

knocking on my roommate and his girlfriends door at 2am to ask if i can sleep with them because i threw up

[Jordan Bard @jordan_bard_]

I made my first friend in Chicago!!! He was 6, and on the train with his dad. We discussed every episode of Spongebob either of us has ever seen (all of them, duh) and then when he got off the train he turned to me and said......

“Bye Krabby Patty”