Jordan Green

welcome to my shit show

[Jordan Green @jordanngreen13]

Anyone hate me as much as I hate myself? I need to talk some major shit.

[Katie Ledecky @katieledecky]

Last race of the decade 🤯✅

[Jordan Green @jordanngreen13]

Can’t help but have baby fever

[Jordan Green @jordanngreen13]

“Just when you think you’re over it... someone mentioned Target�� #baycity

[Courtney Holland 🇺🇸 @hollandcourtney]

So let’s take a look at how Trump started his week:

He signed a bill making animal cruelty a felony

He welcomed Conan, the dog who killed the leader of ISIS, to the White House

He signed the Women’s Suffrage Centennial Commemorative Coin Act

What are the Democrats doing?

[Jackson Hayes @jacksonhvisuals]

Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on this flight?

Dad: *nudging me* that should've been you

Me: Not now Dad

Dad: Not asking for a cinematographer to help, are they?

Me: Dad, there's a medical emergency happening right now

Dad: Go and see if “moody lighting" helps

[USA Swimming @USASwimming]

#MondayMotivation: "What I've learned through this journey is to follow your passion. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do anything. Work hard for all your dreams because anything is possible." - @swimone, 2019 #GoldenGoggles Female Athlete of the Year

[Simone Manuel @swimone]

4 different swimmers won individual honors. All 4 athletes gave wonderful speeches that had valuable words. However, only 3/4 were quoted in this article. https://t.co/FNK5B0P4OU

[Dalai Lama @DalaiLama]

Time is always moving on, Nothing can stop it. The question is whether we use our time properly or not. We can’t do anything about the past, but what happens in the future depends on what we do now.

[♀heavy metal pu$$y ♀ @pleasure_party_]

my dog even begs when i have soup, like u want a fuckin piece of my soup bro? cmon THINK

[Jordan Green @jordanngreen13]

100% content making a four course meal for me, myself and I.

[ICE T @FINALLEVEL]

I remember when I said I had breakfast at IHOP or Denny’s.. MFs lost it..! Like there’s some GUCCI egg somewhere I should be eating.. lol smh

[the vibe rater @20CashRegular]

i’m sorry but you all need to see this.

[Butch Hartman @realhartman]

🎶 I just took a DNA test
Turns out
I'm 50%
A Phantom 🎶

[Jordan Green @jordanngreen13]

Pls stop assigning homework and asking me to do things. There is only so much self-sabotaging Jordan can do

[Jordan Green @jordanngreen13]

I really believe that there is no afterlife, so I’m really out here for a good time, not a long time. 🤪

[Ashley St. Clair @stclairashley]

I just want to remind everybody that this video of Zach Galifianakis roasting Hillary Clinton and playing a commercial for Trump in the middle of their interview exists