dane

onto bigger balder things

[dane @jortworm]

My mom always knows exactly what to say to cheer me up

[dane @jortworm]

penis doctor walks into a bar

the bartender is a woman

how can this be

the bartender is a woman

[dane @jortworm]

i was bioengineered in the womb to be uniquely able to clog every toilet i encounter.

[dane @jortworm]

Pastini for straight dudes. think about it

[dane @jortworm]

I took my penis to the bathroom and I peed it (and I peed it)

[dane @jortworm]

don’t trust the “everything in moderation” girlies.

They talk a mean game until YOU’RE the one to do a little pee in the bed.

[dane @jortworm]

Son, i think your tweets are actually really fire and i think you should keep posting

[dane @jortworm]

don’t just leave your valor laying around if you’re not trying to get it stolen

[dane @jortworm]

piss until proven shit

[dane @jortworm]

gay mom or thot dad

[dane @jortworm]

these were invented after a disgusting pervert watched me jack off a little back in 2016. why there was a toy designer in an Arby’s bathroom I could not say.

[dane @jortworm]

breaking news: the beat is in fact so big i’m stepping on leprechauns. we’ll be back with more at 11.

[dane @jortworm]

when am i supposed to play my immunity idol? I can never remember if it’s before or after I cum… #survivor50

[Hollywood Deals @LocalDingus]

he’s not exactly your typical clown

[dane @jortworm]

rationed my drafts for 6 years. can’t believe they’re all gone

[dane @jortworm]

Graduated from the Urinversity of Pissylvania with a degree in Pooponomics and a double minor in Lunch and Recess

[dane @jortworm]

gonna name my kid fart and like not even make a big deal about it

[dane @jortworm]

vampires only have the cum they were turned with. They get one cum, maybe 1 and a half before they’re cumless forever. i think that finality is what makes the twilight franchise so beautiful. thank you Stephanie

[dane @jortworm]

remember 2019 when you could say cum and people would lose their god damn minds, I can’t wait to tell my grandkids about that

[dane @jortworm]

coming back to X after a long time away is so weird, i don’t even remember how to X. Xing used to be so easy

[dane @jortworm]

i find it easier to walk a mile in my own shoes, but thanks for the offer