Josh Mandilk

[Josh Mandilk @joshmandilk]

Apparently dogs developed "puppy eyes" to more closely resemble the look of infants and elicit a nurturing response in humans. But most dogs I've met also drag their butts across the carpet and bark at big, scary rocks. So where you at, Darwin? #puppydogeyes

[Josh Mandilk @joshmandilk]

Sure, the Stanley Cup is cool and I love a good hockey fight, but did anyone catch the #spellingbee runner-up shoulder charging the overall winner off of the stage after he misspelled "extirpation?"

[Josh Mandilk @joshmandilk]

Looking forward to the emotional arc of #Sharknado6. How do the sharknadoes come to terms with recent reckless environmental policies? Can the sharknadoes move past being denied a NatGeo special? Can the rocky relationships we've grown so attached to weather the storm??

[Josh Mandilk @joshmandilk]

#TrumpsNextTarget ? Frederick Douglass. You know he's been running his mouth about NFL players' right to protest.

[Josh Mandilk @joshmandilk]

*2018 Movie Wherein Terrorists Have Taken Hundreds Hostage*

Mayor: "Get the President on the line."

Chief of Police: "@realDonaldTrump is President."

Mayor: "...Okay, we're gonna keep this local."

[Josh Mandilk @joshmandilk]

I've been hearing a lot of bad hombres saying Trump might've used the N-word...

[Josh Mandilk @joshmandilk]

Cleaning out an old email inbox...there's a metaphor here... #Democracy ?

[Josh Mandilk @joshmandilk]

Do you mind if I limber up real quick?

#StupidQuestionsForZombies

[Sleepy Rooster News @ASleepyRooster]

@TheOnion Well, at least it wasn't a KKK cake. It takes an experienced windbag to blow out all those little burning cross candles.

[Josh Mandilk @joshmandilk]

#Trump: we need to organize a mission to the sun.

#SpaceForce: we'll be burned alive..

Trump: we'll go at night. #UnlikelySpaceForceMissions

[Josh Mandilk @joshmandilk]

#TheseLyricsChangedMyLife "Scoop-diddy-whoop, Whoop-diddy-scoop,
Whoop-diddy-scoop, poop..." Kanye really moved me when he dropped this track...

[Sleepy Rooster News @ASleepyRooster]

#Trump Suggests Painting White House Gray https://t.co/HOWbvkOJCM #NEWS

[Sleepy Rooster News @ASleepyRooster]

Revolutionary App Lets You Track How Many Homeless People You Ignore https://t.co/5ifKiDgAjk

[Sleepy Rooster News @ASleepyRooster]

Officers In #SpaceForce Training Show Prejudice Against Dark Green Aliens
https://t.co/wVWEiO7j5I

[Sleepy Rooster News @ASleepyRooster]

https://t.co/18F7Ed3uGF

[Sleepy Rooster News @ASleepyRooster]

Trump Threatens To Deport Taco Bell Chihuahua:
https://t.co/Oe94Ct8e0M

[Sleepy Rooster News @ASleepyRooster]

BREAKING! Early results from training exercises show that #SpaceForce Officers are FIVE TIMES more likely to fire their laser rifles at extra-terrestrials with dark green skin than at classic Nordic or 'Aryan' type aliens.