joshwithpants

I try to be professional when I leave my house.

[joshwithpants @joshwithpants]

@DannyMarang I get Nori's choice here. Everyone competing for only 30 head coaching jobs in the league. Have to jump when you get the chance. Might not ever happen again.

[ITEP @iteptweets]

NEW: 69% of tax cuts in the Senate GOP bill go to the richest 20% of Americans. Just 11% go to the middle class.

Working families get crumbs – and then lose even those to Trump's tariffs.

Our full analysis: https://t.co/MQI3bcNT9R

[joshwithpants @joshwithpants]

@DannyMarang Alpha can mean multiple things. Dame tended to start games slowly. A positive of the Lillard-McCollum era was CJ would start games very aggressive.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

I can’t top this

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Pretty hostile of a job to require a college degree. “You and/or your parents must take out loans of $100,000 or we won’t let your log into SalesForce in our windowless building next to the airport.”

[joshwithpants @joshwithpants]

@JonesOnTheNBA Odom and Andre Miller

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Bye dad…

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

light | verb | to ignite

the | definite article | used as a function word to indicate that a following noun is definite

beam | noun | a ray or shaft of light

[MS NOW @MSNOWNews]

"You cannot ignore the racial dynamic of what happened today": Tennessee Republicans expel two Black lawmakers from state legislature for participating in anti-gun violence protests. Justin Pearson remarks after expulsion. https://t.co/RdYLvfum24

[David Hogg 🟧 @davidhogg111]

You gotta watch this speech from Rep Justin Jones as Tennessee Republicans attempt to expel him and two others for simply standing with students demanding gun safety. Republicans know they are on the losing side of history. This is proof
#TenneseeThree

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

I have never been a supporter of Donald Trump, but if he is indicted this week, I will have no choice but to vote for him for the third time.

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Silicon Valley… Bank? So like, if an anus… had a butthole?

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

If the government won’t bail out my Silicon Valley Bank holdings, I’m going to become an even bigger libertarian.

[Jeff Yang 🫶 FOLLOW ME @ORIGINALSPIN ON THREADS/IG @originalspin]

The inside of a cello looks like a place where something whimsically unspeakable happened in a Guillermo del Toro movie

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

My wife wanted to make love tonight. Had to take a rain check. I’m still so fuckin angry about the Chinese spy balloon. I’ve never known rage, or fear, like this.

[Todd Barry @toddbarry]

She also pays half when we eat out!

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Help I’m a billionaire and I am consumed by the need to operatically shit my pants & parade around with visible cartoon “stink lines” emanating from my expensive jeans while I ask people to pet me & give me treats

[Steve Hytner @hytner]

This is outrageous!!!!!

[Steven Castillo @STEEEZUSCHRIST]

Dave Chapelle’s stand up specials in a nutshell