Joe Platten

I asked God for a bike, but I know that he doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike, and asked God for forgiveness. #DareToZlatan

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@RyanEmme0 Don’t knock it till you try it I suppose

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

Nothing quite says we’re over the pandemic like fresh bite marks on public gym equipment

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@TurnBurnTurn

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@TurnBurnTurn Guess that’s why you were in the area huh

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Panko. Welcome to the most embarrassing moment of his life. He’s spent countless hours trying to scrub this video from the web. 14/10 sorry buddy

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@KolbeeTwisp There’s just a hint of irony in the fact that the best way to tell people about this is via social media

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@TurnBurnTurn NEVER have I been such a big Tottenham fan

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

WHO KEEPS BUYING ALL THESE TIMESHARES?? I HEAR 100 COMMERCIALS EVERYDAY FOR HELP GETTING OUT OF A TIMESHARE BUT HAVE NEVER HEARD A COMMERCIAL TO BUY ONE. STOP IT DAMNIT

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

As a child, Christmas was an opportunity to forget about all the pains of having divorced parents, and instead focus on the positive aspect: double the amount of gifts.

As an adult, that one positive has turned to a negative and they are now costing me twice as much money.

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@npalacio2240

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@Chris9Larsen Maybe the problem is just with your definition of “accomplish”

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@FOXSoccer @npalacio2240 One of the many problems with your precious VAR

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@ncplatten Now that sounds like a scary costume

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@RyanEmme0 @jimthejam Do they have any openings for forwards?

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

*getting scammed for a gym membership*

Rep: “So, who is your emergency contact?”

Me: “....uh, I guess my mom..”

Rep: “Ok, same last name?”

Me:

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@LukeThaller @The_life_of_ACE 😂😂😂

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@KolbeeTwisp

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@elizabeckerr

[Stocktwits @Stocktwits]

This is the power of compound interest.

But yo @WarrenBuffett, what happened from ages 43 to 44?

https://t.co/QvYCxcX88M

[Joe Platten @jplatten99]

@FootyHumour @npalacio2240