joe

Pilot | University of Utah Alumni

[joe @jptweeters]

@stoolpresidente Place an order for a cheese pizza under any name other than Dave. If they ask if you want thin crust, light sauce, or light cheese, say no.

That’s the only way they’ll give you a standard Pie cheese pizza. Please update your score if you do.

[joe @jptweeters]

.@Apple should add a “Do Not Disturb Contacts” feature to future iOS. Modern jobs blur personal/professional boundaries & users need a way to silence calls/texts from work contacts after hours. No notifications, banners, previews, etc. until the next business day.

[joe @jptweeters]

Imagine. Celebrity Family Fued feat. the cast of Love on the Spectrum

[joe @jptweeters]

.@turbotax I’ve been trying to unsubscribe from your relentless email marketing messages every day since last Thursday and get an error each time. Seems like a CAN-SPAM Act violation to me. Fix it.

[joe @jptweeters]

.@Apple the results are in and the people need an Irish Exit option for group messages
Just let me leave. There is NO need to announce it.

[joe @jptweeters]

Put @OfficialRezz on BeatSaber

[joe @jptweeters]

It’s always the ones you least expect https://t.co/m3eCwVML3X

[joe @jptweeters]

What if instead of roses contestants on the bachelor/ette stood on trap doors and had a lever pulled if they didn’t make cut

[joe @jptweeters]

Two B1’s = one B2 #RoseBowl #math

[joe @jptweeters]

.@northropgrumman odds this will conduct the #RoseBowl flyover?

[Northrop Grumman @northropgrumman]

Take a closer look at the B-21 Raider — the world’s first sixth generation aircraft. This changes everything. #DefiningPossible #RiseoftheRaider

[joe @jptweeters]

This is the only time Trojans breaking is a good thing

[joe @jptweeters]

Pray for investment banking interns

[The New York Times @nytimes]

The FDA has confirmed there is a nationwide shortage of Adderall and is encouraging patients who take the ADHD medication to talk to their doctors about alternative treatments. https://t.co/YPtarifymg

[joe @jptweeters]

Walking to the B Gates at SLC international got me like
“Damn if only I had Heelys”

[joe @jptweeters]

@TannerA_Olson Crank a hoon

[joe @jptweeters]

@TannerA_Olson We’re all waiting for Mission: Failed

[dillonfrancis @DillonFrancis]

When the fuck did everyone become a F1 fan lol

[joe @jptweeters]

@TannerA_Olson @swedishousemfia ¿Donde?

[joe @jptweeters]

@margetts_nick Where my dogs at?

[joe @jptweeters]

@AmazonHelp I still have not been contacted and came across two other packages abandoned in the hallway by your driver

[joe @jptweeters]

.@amazon while searching for my order (that is nowhere to be found) I came across several other packages strewn throughout my apartment building by your delivery driver. It appears your driver just gave up and left them wherever. Unacceptable.