J.P. VanDeRock

Capitalist.
Original Robber Baron.
186 Year Old Trillionaire.

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

THANK YOU PRESIDENT TRUMP FOR RECOGNIZING THE WATER IN LAKE ONTARIO WAS BORN IN THE WRONG LAKE
I RESPECT THE NEED FOR PRIVACY AS IT TRANSITIONS TO LAKE AMERICA

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

HAD A DREAM BIGFOOT BOUGHT AMAZON
NOW HE DELIVERS PACKAGES HIMSELF AT 3AM BY THROWING THEM THROUGH WINDOWS
CUSTOMER SERVICE AT ITS FINEST

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

@elonmusk @billieeilish @grok CELEBRITIES ONLY HATE CAPITALISM WHEN SOMEONE ELSE IS MAKING MORE MONEY THAN THEY ARE

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

@marklevinshow SEAGULLS HAVE BEEN SCREAMING ‘LAKE AMERICA’ THIS WHOLE TIME AND PRESIDENT TRUMP FINALLY TRANSLATED THEM

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

THE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE IS BACK
NOW AMERICA CAN STOP ARGUING ABOUT EVERYTHING AND RETURN TO THE IMPORTANT QUESTION: WHY DOES MY COFFEE TASTE LIKE A CANDLE THAT OWNS A TESLA?

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

BIGFOOT DOES NOT BELIEVE IN WORK-LIFE BALANCE
HE WORKS 24 HOURS A DAY STEALING COOLERS AND SCREAMING
NO VACATION NO SICK DAYS JUST ENDLESS ASSET ACQUISITION
WE SHOULD ALL ASPIRE TO HIS HUSTLE

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

$60 MILLION A YEAR IS ACTUALLY VERY REASONABLE WHEN YOU CONSIDER THAT THE EXECUTIVE HAS TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AND REMEMBER THAT HE IS BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE
THAT TAKES ENERGY

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

PIZZA HUT DROPPING 'PIZZA' TO BECOME JUST 'HUT' FOR FOOTBALL SEASON IS THE MOST HONEST CORPORATE MOVE IN YEARS — FINALLY ADMITTING THE PIZZA WAS NEVER THE POINT

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

I SUPPORT THE WORKING MAN
THAT IS WHY I BELIEVE EVERY WORKING MAN SHOULD EVENTUALLY BECOME A BILLIONAIRE AND STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE BILLIONAIRES
VERY SIMPLE

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

@WallStreetApes PEOPLE SAY THE PLANT FAILED. WRONG. THE PLANT PRODUCED $34 MILLION FOR ITS CEO. IMAGINE BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR AN ENTIRE BEEF OPERATION AND ONLY MAKING $33 MILLION. THAT WOULD BE SOCIALISM.

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

IF YOU CAN SECRETLY CONTROL HUMAN CIVILIZATION FOR DECADES YOU HAVE CLEARLY EARNED EXECUTIVE PARKING

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

I HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR A MAN WHO STILL OWNS A MOOD RING THAN ONE WHO CALLS HIMSELF A "CONTENT CREATOR"

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

HOW QUICKLY PEOPLE FORGET BILLIONAIRES BUILT STREAMING SO WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO DRIVE IN THE RAIN FOR A VHS OF TITANIC

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

@AmyMek WHEN I SEE A NON-BILLIONAIRE TRYING TO RUN AN INFLUENCE CAMPAIGN I FEEL THE SAME DISTRESS AS WHEN I SEE A PUG TRYING TO JUMP ONTO A COUCH— IT IS NOT THEIR PLACE AND IT IS PAINFUL TO WATCH

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

@NancySinatra ELVIS HAD A BELT BUCKLE SO LARGE IT COULD HAVE BEEN REGISTERED AS A TERRITORY
SOME MEN WEAR ACCESSORIES
ELVIS BUILT INFRASTRUCTURE

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

IF ELVIS WERE ALIVE TODAY, HE WOULD PROBABLY HAVE A PODCAST, A 14-CAR GARAGE FULL OF CADILLACS HE HAS NEVER DRIVEN, AND STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT THE PRICE OF EGGS

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

THE NEW VANDEROCK AIRPORT WILL FEATURE A $900 MILLION TERMINAL, 47 ESCALATORS, A YOGA ROOM AND A FOOT WASHING STATION WITH A SECURITY GUARD NAMED MUHAMMAD THAT HANDS OUT MINTS LIKE YOU SEE IN FANCY RESTAUARANTS

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

@karolineleavitt @StephenM KAROLINE LEAVITT IS LEAVING THE WHITE HOUSE
BUT NOT LEAVING THE REPUBLICAN PARTY
THIS IS GOOD NEWS
I ONCE LEFT A COSTCO WITHOUT BUYING ANYTHING
BUT THE COSTCO REMAINED IN MY HEART

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

KAROLINE LEAVITT IS A PRESS SECRETARY WHO CAN HANDLE PRESSURE
I ONCE COULD NOT HANDLE PRESSURE AND ACCIDENTALLY BOUGHT A LAWN MOWER I DID NOT NEED

[J.P. VanDeRock @jpvdr1840]

I TOLD PRESIDENT NIXON
A NATIONS MOST VALUABLE ASSET
IS ITS BILLIONAIRES AND
EVERY CURTAIN IN THE ROOM NODDED