Jessica Shroder

Strong enough for a man, pH balanced for a woman

[Tiffany Haddish @TiffanyHaddish]

How I found out I won a Grammy while working on @KidsSayDarndest I am so Honored to share with the kids. Full situation is on my YouTube page.

[Lucy 📸🍕 @ltotheucy]

Nobody:
Hilaria Baldwin:

[Andrew Kaczynski @KFILE]

FLASHBACK: In 2018, President Trump attacked Carrots the turkey for refusing to concede he had lost the vote on the White House turkey pardon contest.

"This was a fair election... unfortunately, Carrots refused to concede and demanded a recount."

[tom shroder @tomshroder]

If you are in South Florida, or near an airport, get down to Bayfront Park in Miami by noon tomorrow and join me and Dave Barry for an adventure you’ll need a lifetime (and therapy) to forget.

[Whitney Cummings @WhitneyCummings]

Now I'm getting threatened with "we have access to your iCloud." I'll be honest, I stand by most of my nudes. Frankly I'm way more embarrassed by all the inspirational quotes I've screen grabbed.

[Susan Orlean @susanorlean]

Shut the fuck up

[Jessica Shroder @jshroder]

Omg, this is real. 2019, y'all

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

Sweetheart, if you read the whole of Harry Potter and thought the author would support an authoritarian braggart who's too dumb to know how dumb he is, burn away. And so will I.

[Jessica Shroder @jshroder]

Everyone Who Cares About Me Hates You: A Love Story #UnwrittenBookTitles

[Jessica Shroder @jshroder]

There are more relationships in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your romantic comedies.

[Jessica Shroder @jshroder]

"Stella-aaaaaa! STELL-LA!" - #ElaineWasTheOnlyReasonToWatch

[Jessica Shroder @jshroder]

I just realized the episode of SEINFELD I'm watching is 27 YEARS OLD and now I'm having a legit panic attack. You're welcome.

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

Narrator's voice: Roy was right. God was in control. What he didn't realise was, She's black. https://t.co/pCpVifXgbq

[darcie @333333333433333]

honestly in awe of the scope and intensity of melania's cries for help

[Harry Myers VO @PeasOneDay]

Girl
(dum dum dum dum)
You'll be a

[Velodus✨ @velodus]

@arawnsley @MichaelStahlke Okay, this is like my favorite thread ever!!, so I wanted to see what it would look like merged with a Ken Burns-ish voice reading.

[Jess Dweck @TheDweck]

"WHERE IS THE CLITORIS?"

[Lauren Duca @laurenduca]

They're nazis & fucking idiots. The tiki torches make it look like they're protesting Karen's decision to include cilantro in the guacamole.