Joey Trimyer

Runnin' from the law, the press & the parents.

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

@michaelianblack Think of the $10 beers that won't accidentally be spilled. Tragic!

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

@erintonola01 @michaelianblack Calling Trump sentient is a slur on every SciFi robot turned manic killer, ever.

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

@KatCorbett And not a single one is rationalizing it as quarantine induced (mis)behavior.

[Michael Ian Black @michaelianblack]

I used to be conviced that I’d be the first to die in the apocalypse, but seeing how stupid everybody else is actually makes me think I might be second or third.

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

@SluggoDoug Sound Exchange in #Austin was my favorite. Big mural by Daniel Johnston on the side of the building.

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

@kadeshow It isn't just you. My 16yo heard the new @judahandthelion and swore it was @Imaginedragons.

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

@angiebalentine @Mungub @Google It is from Burn After Reading.

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

@amycmarsh Oh, now you tell me.

[William Dyson @stay_vertical]

How about @bertkreischer come run the @austinmarathon on Feb. 18th?

Let’s settle the bet from @joerogan’s podcast once & for all! @arishaffir can run too! I’ll reserve three spots if Rogan is in too.

[Bring Back the Mile @themile]

We welcome back the Manzano Mile and also as a 2018 BBTM Featured Event! 👍https://t.co/iJlAh07HOz

[Richard Stengel @stengel]

Mr. President, just to clarify things, I wanted to offer a few statistics. Number of times you were Person of the Year during the 7 years I was editor of Time: 0. Number of times you were on the cover: 0. Number of times you made the Time 100 influentials list: 0. Thanks anyway!

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

.@lawless999 tyler
Choose meeeee!

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

@lawless999 Brandon PICK MEEEEEE! https://t.co/LRfjcCw89h

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

The kids are all right. https://t.co/zTMDxNv6aU

[Mark Mulligan @mrkmully]

15 yr old Declan and friends have been picking people up in Meyerland since late morning @HoustonChron #houstonflood

[Joey Trimyer @jtrimyer]

.@lawless999 city @OfficialGLO #ghostland @101x #pickme

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

I no longer think Trump conspired with Russia to win the election, because he would have bragged about it to a barista by now.

[BE KIND to Cyclists @bkindtocyclists]

:et's all share the road, folks.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Overheard in 2026: “I know of this one man, he’s so rich, he went to a DOCTOR.”

[Virginia Montanez @JanePitt]

If you at this moment in your life do not honestly understand what "checks and balances" means, stop commenting on politics and go learn.

[Virginia Montanez @JanePitt]

United Airlines' overbooked incentive scale:
1. $100
2. $250
3. $400
4. $500
5. $800
6. We won't beat the shit outta you and drag yo ass out