unicorncockjockey

Life is but a series of jumping and dashing.

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

Life hack: just poop standing up

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

@gpismo i see my dick is pointing in the right direction ya smell me bra??

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

Ludacris is such an underrated actor

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

I'm just drinking coffee til I have to poop

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

@_Twooter_ what if my imagination was an egg?

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

@_Twooter_ oK so i did the math and pretty sure an egg cant perform the functions of a heart

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

@_Twooter_ OOOOH i like this one

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

pretty soon people will realize that pot heads are just alcoholics ahead of their time

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

Not sure if it's weird to stare at my dick while I pee or weird not to

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

@HeyRobotUnicorn just wanted to say i'm a big fan of your work

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

Sometimes i read my tweets and wonder if other people ever do

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

Call my dick bud light cuz it's up for whatever

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

@kendzwhitebz you're 😘

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

@BMacMusic11 Clockwork on that cali D!!

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

Cats act all hard but ppl forget they still pussies

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

when people take snapchat selfies and don't think theyre being watched

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

@Beyoncesaurus missy eliott thooo

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

Sitting next to @taybre13 right now

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

Jesus turns up for your sins

[unicorncockjockey @jumpdashfusion]

I wonder if anyone else in the room has a boner right now