Justin Schmierer

Providing snark, sass, and witticisms since '93.

[Fuckin’ Princess @8WithaTiara]

my favorite fall activity is stepping outside and not being hot and pissed off

[Writing on Beyoncé's internet. @desmondderaudeh]

Me when my manager tells me my evaluation is based on my performance so I put on the greatest performance 😭

[Dolly Parton @DollyParton]

Global icon and humanitarian, Dolly Parton, known to the world as a beloved singer, songwriter, philanthropist, actress, playwright, and author died peacefully today in Nashville, Tennessee. She was 80 years old.

Dolly is preceded in death by her beloved husband of 59 years Carl Thomas Dean (1942 – 2025), her mother Avie Lee Caroline Owens (1923 – 2003), and father, Robert Lee Parton, Sr. (1921 – 2000).

A rhinestone life that shone bright enough for the world to see, Dolly will forever stand as an inspiration not only through her timeless music and prolific songwriting, but also her wit, warmth, and kindness that made us all feel like family. Dolly Parton’s legacy is one of love, compassion, and resilience. With a seven-decade career, she inspired multiple generations of artists and fans with her music and an unwavering commitment to making the world a better place. Her songs will continue to resonate with people of all ages, and her philanthropic work will have a lasting impact.

At Dolly’s request, a small, private service will be held for immediate family. Dolly’s fans and friends from around the world are encouraged to pay tribute to Dolly on social media by tagging @DollyParton or by leaving a message at https://t.co/cLu9I7M2wC

In lieu of flowers the family asks for donations to be made to Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library at https://t.co/arzrqInqJA

[BEYONCÉ LEGION @BeyLegion]

Beyoncé pays tribute to the legendary Miss Dolly Parton. ❤️

https://t.co/NysKafJI1N

[Justin Schmierer @justinschmierer]

@PostsOfCats Ridiculous lol

[Philadelphia Eagles @Eagles]

BACK TO BACK NFC EAST CHAMPIONS ‼️

@Toyota | #FlyEaglesFly

[Eagles Fan Central @PhilaFanCentral]

Remember when Eagles games were fun?

[The Associated Press @AP]

BREAKING: The Supreme Court rejects a call to overturn its decision legalizing same-sex marriage nationwide. https://t.co/FqTCZIJoQj

[Justin Schmierer @justinschmierer]

It would be really cool if the Mets could get a hit with runners in scoring position #Mets

[Steven Cohen @StevenACohen2]

Is everybody raring to go ? LGM

[Cannie Oakley: Local Cryptid @Staceballs]

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman

[Philadelphia Eagles @Eagles]

SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS!
THIS ONE’S FOR YOU PHILLY!

[Philadelphia Eagles @Eagles]

WE’RE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!!

[Justin Schmierer @justinschmierer]

.@Beyonce

[Justin Schmierer @justinschmierer]

Raise your hand if you were personally victimized by Amtrak during this holiday season of travel 🙋‍♀️

[manic pixie cheese curd, MPH @tildawhirl]

“thank you for choosing Amtrak” no problem there are no other trains

[Justin Schmierer @justinschmierer]

@Mets @CitiField #MMOGSweepstakesX

[Justin Schmierer @justinschmierer]

#LFGM

[SNY Mets @SNY_Mets]

JUAN SOTO.

NEW YORK MET.

[New York Mets @Mets]

JUAN SOTO IS A MET!!!

[billboard @billboard]

Billboard’s Greatest Pop Stars Of The 21st Century: No. 1 — @Beyonce

https://t.co/T2TPAIdWPg

[chefkids @girlflopping]

Wicked if Oz was in a Chicago sandwich shop