Jack

[Fabrizio Romano @FabrizioRomano]

🚨🔵 Xabi Alonso signed his contract earlier today at Chelsea, everything completed. ✍🏼

The agreement until June 2030 is done, sealed and will be announced in the next hours.

Xabi’s contract to run from July 1st but set to start working immediately also on transfers.

[Troll Football @TrollFootball]

🚨 FA Cup final Man of the match

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

@emyyygirl 🔵

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

Me before having sex with my beautiful girlfriend

Me: *removes my clown nose*

Me: *removes my clown wig*

Me: *removes my silk handkerchief*

Me: *removes my silk handkerchief*

Me: *removes my silk ha-

[One Minute Briefs ⏱️ @OneMinuteBriefs]

OMB #ToastieMachines Brief WINNERS:
https://t.co/GT8QW8rIOY
@ustungelari @HowlingAsInWolf @BOC_ATM @Dhara_234 @rossbrodie @ZedTrafficker @richbayley80 @divinglotti @johnbox69 @georgelah @JWilliWeb @MattOakleyMojo @vaapejuice @george__thinks @copythatmids @guytole @KuismaVaananen

REPOST!!

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

I’ll take 1 billion

[Steve Alten @meg82159]

It has been 9 days since we were able to offer extremely low monthly payment options with 0.00% interest and the response has been excellent. For only $9.47 a month you could own the entire seven volume MEG LEGACY Collectors edition set! https://t.co/9Czt6xEdj6

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

@alexissiemcxo Blocked

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

@alexissiemcxo You without AI

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

I think shitting in my hand and clapping would be more entertaining than this fight #PaulTyson

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

I’m in A&E.

I don’t want to bore you with all the details but the ‘Dyson Ball Cleaner’ has a dangerously misleading name.

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

She calls me Mao. The way I be layin Zedong

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

On the bus and sweating like a dyslexic on countdown

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

EXPERT HACK FOR SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGERS

Always schedule a post for 5pm on a Friday.

When your boss sees it, they'll think you're still working and won't realise that you actually clocked off hours ago. Suckers

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

@gdenth @PlagueDoctor_OW

[Gdenth @gdenth]

@PlagueDoctor_OW

[Jack @JWilliWeb]

*walking past a stables*

Me: man I’m so hungry I could eat a…

*horse stares directly into my soul*

Horse: You were saying

[confusion @confusionkys]

is this real chat?!?!

[cluedont @cluedont]

Just Stop Oil protestors arrive in Germany ahead of tonight's big clash with Greenpeace.