kallie

the dull drums | u of o alum

[kallie @kalliesager]

@Kardashev_Scale exactly. i’m not THAT crazy

[kallie @kalliesager]

me: solely listens to true crime podcasts, general distrust of men

also me: suggests hiking as a second date

[kallie @kalliesager]

and i WISH i could blame it all on the pandemic lol

[kallie @kalliesager]

the closest i’ve gotten to hanging out with a guy lately was when his bitmoji popped up while i was typing

[kallie @kalliesager]

when he hits you up first but now you’re the one chasing

[kallie @kalliesager]

everyone’s relationship advice is so contradictory

“you’re not putting yourself out there enough” vs “it’ll happen when you least expect it”

“you’re too picky” vs “don’t settle”

“shoot your shot” vs “don’t be intimating”

like, you guys know im confused right

[kallie @kalliesager]

hahahaha us @WytheDodson

[gaychel @coochieflop]

sorority girls still using big/little girl you are 25 that is your adult friend go pay a bill

[kallie @kalliesager]

do you strictly buy man scented room sprays, candles, and diffusers or are you not ✨extremely alone✨

[kallie @kalliesager]

@kendbleakley @lovelytheband @kallie 😭😭my favorite place to be

[kallie @kalliesager]

i’ve reached the point in adulthood where some sandwiches just “have too much bread”

[kallie @kalliesager]

ceo of hurting my own feelings lmao

[kallie @kalliesager]

my toxic trait is that i NEVER set a timer when i’m cooking or baking and just do the math and tell myself what time to take it out and i forget

[kallie @kalliesager]

the fact that i read “amos” as the name Amos instead of “add me on snap” proves that i’m too old for this

[. @empurify]

I haven’t felt fly like a g6 lately

[kallie @kalliesager]

i know it’s for convenience sake, but it hurts my ego when cashiers don’t hesitate to press “NO” when it asks “is the customer under 40?”

[kallie @kalliesager]

is your snap memories full of pictures of you crying or are you normal

[kallie @kalliesager]

if only guys loved me as much as their moms do

[kallie @kalliesager]

i have my good perfume for “special occasions” and i just put it on to go to walmart so that’s where we’re at