Killian

triple black belt

[Killian @KarateAlien]

The movie 'Cars' is an autobiography

[moose @mooseincrisis]

stay away from me

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

roman: how will we know which one is jesus

judas: imma kiss him

roman: why

judas: *applying lip gloss* lol i know right

[Jimmy “Italian Stallion” Ruscello @bigsgdubb]

I hate being a grower because if I get pantsed I gotta start cranking hog

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

joe rogan: so she broke in?

me: kind of but you have to remember this was actually common practice then

joe rogan: totally, yes. there was like a shared village mentality

me: and the owners had left porridge of varying temperatures out

joe rogan: no way. no fucking way

[𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 @KLobstar]

he said some really distasteful things about the Portuguese

[Barb Vermeir 🇬🇾🇬🇾🇬🇾 @hotgrippz]

I’ll quit smoking if they invent another activity that lets me leave a group and go stand outside on my own for 5-10 minutes

[Cuck Liddell @c0ck_l3snar]

If you have diarrhea from the parasite, do not worry and hang in there, we are going to send money to Israel.

[𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 @KLobstar]

Kristi Noem is so stupid— getting divorced in her 50’s? Where is she gonna find another husband with giant gazongas at that age? Foolish

[Missy Martinez @MissyXMartinez]

Girls forget real quick that Luigi has a mansion

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

commissioner gordon: what’s the best way to contact you?

batman: big lamp

commissioner gordon: …or I could text you

batman: and don’t point it at the crime-area. just stand near it until I show up

[tanya @Tanya_Sabrinaaa]

THEO VON: then he took my nose. he took it. it was in his hand he showed me

JOE ROGAN: wow. i didn't know you could do that

THEO: yes it was right in his fingers. i swear to god

JOE: wow. wow

THEO: i started freaking out but then he put it back

JOE: oh thank god. thank god

[tanya @Tanya_Sabrinaaa]

Unfortunately, Taylor is in a tough spot now. The only way to top a marriage at Madison Square Garden is a divorce at the Parthenon

[tanya @Tanya_Sabrinaaa]

i actually read the Odyssey in the original greek. complete waste of time, i have no idea what those symbols mean

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

date: im so wet
me: [just sneezed while eating soup] im so sorry

[brent @murrman5]

we'll miss everything about brent except his pranks they were the worst [hears everyone at my funeral agree and I shift nervously in casket]

[claire @rosiekennedyxx]

Nobody fell off harder than the hammerhead shark. Was a top shark for me as a kid and now completely obsolete in media and conversation.

[wint @dril]

Im envisioning the variety of women who will romance me, their various Ethnicities, etc, when the Dark Net Injectables make me 1 inch taller

[brent @murrman5]

"no rapping tonight"
why?
"you rap about patrick swayze everytime, it's embarrassing"
ok
[after one beer]
uh oh y'all it's gettin kinda hazy