Killian

triple black belt

[Killian @KarateAlien]

The movie 'Cars' is an autobiography

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

date: im so wet
me: [just sneezed while eating soup] im so sorry

[brent @murrman5]

we'll miss everything about brent except his pranks they were the worst [hears everyone at my funeral agree and I shift nervously in casket]

[claire @rosiekennedyxx]

Nobody fell off harder than the hammerhead shark. Was a top shark for me as a kid and now completely obsolete in media and conversation.

[wint @dril]

Im envisioning the variety of women who will romance me, their various Ethnicities, etc, when the Dark Net Injectables make me 1 inch taller

[brent @murrman5]

"no rapping tonight"
why?
"you rap about patrick swayze everytime, it's embarrassing"
ok
[after one beer]
uh oh y'all it's gettin kinda hazy

[Rads @_radsy]

ME: god I love how you feel inside me

SURGEON: why is she awake

[Rads @_radsy]

inside of you are two wolves. they love each other very much. now they have puppies! inside of you are, like, five wolves!!!

[𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 @KLobstar]

we’re rapidly approaching a time to shoot back

[Sridhar Ramesh @RadishHarmers]

I am horrified that ICE keeps killing Americans. They're supposed to be killing immigrants.

[rudy betrayed @rudy_betrayed]

Pros and cons of cocaine…

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

[porn director pulls me aside] you gotta quit saying "golly"

[Jon @ArfMeasures]

*takes bite of Pringle* yes *nods at date then waiter* we'll have the tube

[DEI speedwagon (all eyes on Cuba) 🌹🇵🇸 〽️ @uhshanti]

but they were all of them deceived, for a third Twin Tower was made

[Rads @_radsy]

John. Jacob. Jingleheimer. Schmidt. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony—

[wint @dril]

watching you dildo brain cock suckers play w/ AI shit is like watching a dog paw at one of those puzzle boxes that you put treats inside of

[wint @dril]

TO AVOID SCARING OR OFFENDING CHILDREN WE'VE TAKEN ANNE FRANK'S DIARY AND REPLACED EVERY INSTANCE OF THE WORD "NAZI" WITH "POLICE MAN"

[corb @awshuqs]

rage room except they just beat the fuck out of me

[wicked wigger of the west @Nick_Cerveza]

my dentist doesnt give a fuck about gums. he gets agitated whenever i bring it up. "teeth only!" he screams