Kate! 🐀

autistic and vibing 🌈

[punished tenant @sophhaze]

old tenants comply trashed my new place and we had to hire cleaners. pulled the stove back to look for the source of an ant infestation and found a printed out photo of an anteater. were they trying to scare the ants away?

[M @MVWXE]

Gave a little boy at mcr a freebie and for like 5 min after he was staring. His mum came up to me and said: "Hi sorry he wanted to ask if you want to see his Michael Jackson impression, that's why he's been staring"

Ofcourse I do, in fact I can't think of anything more important

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[Ranboo @Ranboosaysstuff]

Driving with OCD but also the love of ragebaiting means that I think everyone else on the road is mad at me and it's incredible

[🌿✧ Faye ✧🌿 @fayewilds_]

World renowned botanist offered me a scholarship at 12 years old (literally for the university I ended up wanting to transfer to) after I asked him to help me understand Arisaema Speciosum pollination mechanisms, do I really have it in me to contact him about it a decade later...

[swamp hag ✨☕️🌸🍓🍰 @potatoslav]

there are two types of people. one that cares about food safety and refuses to touch anything that has been in the fridge for more than two days and one that will eat expired yogurt as long as it smells fine. they marry each other.

[lex ❦ @atropalex]

whenever i hear ‘horseradish’ this is what i see in my head

[27. @dimvji]

everything used to be 20 dollars and now that i finally have 20 dollars everything is now 200 dollars

[ama 🔼 @markamatony]

she was like well youre definitely not a real trans person but I think transitioning would do u some good anyway so go for it. which is rlly unique

[|･ω･) lexy☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ @deathsmilesII]

as someone who's been fired for autistic meltdowns this thread is depressing & a stark reminder that the general public still has no idea what an autistic meltdown is, and thinks it's some sort of tantrum that can be avoided if you just try hard enough

[lauri is tRUSting the GR1nd ⭐️🏁 @kiirschbaum]

ganz wichtig wenn ihr das macht, könnt ihr die wärmflasche nicht mehr für heißes wasser nutzen, da sie sonst platzen kann!

[Jess 🌻 @jessicarrrrrrrr]

I hope if the UK get a chance to host the world cup they take a leaf out of usa's book and zoom in on random British celebs like Tyrone from Corrie, Gareth Gates and the guy from the pepto bismol ad

[Dr Glover| SAC: DRGLOVER @Dr_Gl0ver]

At 17 you can

Have consensual sex
Have a kid
Drive a car
Work a job
Vote
Donate blood
Join the army

BUT you CANNOT watch YouTube after your allocated government bedtime lmao

[Puck @VRCPuck]

I need to be absolutely serious for once.

Never, EVER reply 'yes' or similar to tweets like this. In the UK you'll do 14 years in jail (not a joke). If you're abroad and visit, you'll be arrested at the airport.

Crazy that this tweet was made by a UK politician to trap people.

[jayribus @coldharbors]

asked hungry british coworker if he was so hungry he could eat a horse and he asked if i was referencing the tesco horsemeat scandal

[Canyou ⚜️ @Valkyrie_Fleur]

When the doctor asks for a stool sample:

[laur 🍒🌸 @nooksneedlesco]

SWEATSHIRT GIVEAWAY ✨

Giving away one of these Stardew Valley inspired sweatshirts! 🐓

To enter:
🌾 follow me
🌾 like & repost
🌾 reply which colour is your favourite
🌾 tag someone for an extra entry

Open internationally 🌎
Closes 21st May 💖

[Kate! 🐀 @kateisobels]

@nooksneedlesco The green one !!! @FreyaBerge

[Pop Tingz @PopTingz]

King Charles III has announced a ban on LGBTQIA+ conversion therapy and classified the practice as abusive.

[Cal Cowen @calculus52]

Hey @BBCNews , got a story for you!

About 11 reform new councillors have stepped down or been expelled already!

It will cost a lot to elect new ones. How about running that as a story, just for a smidgen of impartiality?