Katie

I once was poison ivy but now I’m your daisy 🌼

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

@KimMcIn78623055 @cjt5prkgvv @SaiKate108 Same. I have 5 brothers and 1 sister. Between the 7 of us we have 12 children and not a one of us has food allergies. Nor do our parents or any of my aunts and uncles.

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

@SocietyQueen999 Coming from someone who has 2 children - having children is incredibly selfish not the other way around. They didn’t ask to be born and then they have to like grow up and be adults and stuff? So unfair.

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

@ximenadolphin @HeatherR411 Nobody is getting an abortion every month, Karen. Less than 1% of women who get abortions, get more than one in their lifetime. Nobody’s using it as birth control. They’re using it as a means to stay ALIVE most of the time. So chill.

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

A DOUBLE ALBUM? TAYLOR I HAVE AN OFFICE JOB I HAVE TO WORK IN 6 HOURS 🥲🥲 #TaylorSwift #TTPD

[kadriye @tayspetsch]

taylor swift going from midnights to the tortured poets department:

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

@iwdntmrymeeithr @LauraSwiftie24 Same girl! Been a fan since debut but twitter is my only public social and I’m rarely on 🥲

[GhettoGronk @ghetto_gronk]

Taylor Swift trying to motivate Travis Kelce going into the 2nd half

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

@meowblondie13 Enough

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

Merideth and Olivia have no idea that their mom, Taylor Swift, is a global superstar. I think that’s really beautiful.

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

I CANNOT BELIEVE BLONDIE KEPT NOW THAT WE DONT TALK FROM US #1989TaylorsVersion

[Jon Finkel📚💪 @Jon_Finkel]

Halloween on a Tuesday? Stupid. The holiday is broken.

97% of parents agree with me you just haven't thought about it yet...

Here is a 3-step, why-the-hell-don't-we-do-this-plan to fix Halloween right now:

First, let's set the stage for our current disastrous set-up:

It’s 50 minutes past the kids’ bedtime and it’s too dark to see how many shots of tiny boxes of Nerds they’ve knocked back in the last half hour.

Their little hearts are pumping a mixture of Smarties, M&Ms and Kit Kats and you're still a quarter-mile from home.

The kids go from walking very slowly with their heads in their Halloween bags to all-out, run-from-that-burning-building sprints to the next doorbell.

Like a flock of rabid stray dogs they swarm from house to house in search of a never-ending supply of free sugar from smiling grown-ups.

It is now 9:15pm...

They have school the next day.

We have work.

Who in their right mind sanctioned this grade school cocktail of dextrose-fueled lunacy?

That’s right…

We did...

And it's time we got our heads out of our asses...

Also, parents/schools have wayyyy too many events:

We have a “book parade” at school on October 28th...

Then there is a Halloween Fair or Town “Scary” Square event or whatever on the 29th?

Then, finally, there’s Halloween on the 31st?

They want kids to dress up three times and get candy three times over five days???

Umm, no. This is dumb.

I have a crazy idea…

How about we have Halloween for kids on one day.

I have the perfect day to have it on. It’s called…

Halloween!

Wouldn’t that be brilliant?

"But we can't!"

Yeah, we can...

STEP 1: WE CAN STOP HAVING HALLOWEEN ON OCTOBER 31st

Again, we can.

Halloween is a mishmash of Celtic, pagan, All Saints Day and others...

Pope Gregory III named Nov 1st All Saints day in 800 AD.

Making All Hallows Eve (AKA Halloween) the night before

That was 1,200 years ago... Pope Greg never had to rip a Reese's Cup out of his kids mouth at 10pm...

PG never had to clean up Twizzler and Starburst colored puke off a pillowcase...

So why the hell does he have any say in when parents in 2023 choose to have Halloween?

Which leads me to...

STEP 2: HALLOWEEN SHOULD BE THE LAST FRIDAY IN OCTOBER

Who loses if Halloween is the last Friday every October?

Nobody.

Adults. Teens. Little kids.

Everyone wins.

Adults can leave work a few hours early on a Friday like many do anyway; schools can have their costume parade at the end of the day...

Kids can wear their costumes home.

They can roll right to a town event or party....

Then roll right into trick or treating at night...

And we all cruise into the weekend.

Admit it.

It's genius.

Even if you don't have kids or you're single in your 20s, this set-up is 1,000x better:

STEP 3: Halloween parties can actually be on Halloween and they'll always be on a Friday night.

Done.

No school the next day.

No work the next day.

Kids/adults wear costumes for one day/night.

After every Halloween it's the weekend.

The only thing stopping us... is us.

Share this if you agree and follow me @Jon_Finkel
for more columns like this.

(And join my Books & Biceps newsletter for updates on my Macho Man biography, weekly book recs and workout motivation)

[𝔅𝔯𝔦𝔱𝔱 ⸆⸉ | Indy N2 & N3 Survivor 🤍 @ReadyForBritt]

Dear Taylor Nation,

Just Because I’m not a huge account and just because I live in the middle of nowhere, doesn’t mean I don’t have means to make it to an event!!!

I will drive there or book and pay for a flight! I will also keep confidential

Sincerely,
An OG Swiftie

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

@wndrstruckblush I’m ok I guess 😭🥲

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

I just want @taylorswift13 to pick me to go to a movie premier or something. I promise I’m your biggest fan, I’m just not super active on socials 🥲🥲🥲

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

@casey_whalen This is reaching, even for you. I think it’s funny that you are borderline harassing these people and then wanting the cops to arrest them for trying to keep a camera out of their face. So yes, I would have been laughing at you too.

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

My coworker brought up Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce today. So I pulled the ol “isn’t it crazy how a Taylor put Travis on the map? Like nobody knew who he was before Taylor started dating him.”…. The way I made this middle aged man turn red. 😅😂😅😂

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

He says “she’s wondering if she’d get there quicker if she was a man. Because she’s not, she’s a girl! My mom says boys are treated better than girls sometimes.” 😅😅👏🏻👏🏻

[Katie @katelynnwuolle]

Currently listening to my 6 year old explain a Taylor Swift song to one of his friends 😂😂😂😂

[Eras Tour Resell @ErasTourResell]

Just found an extra Midnights (Late Night Edition) CD from the Metlife shows……figured we could giveaway to one of you. Repost/retweet and we will pick someone later today (8pm EST) 🫶