Katie-Rose

Standup comedian / Improviser / Cat lady / Bowie’s mum / Bradford’s bird … in no particular order

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

Did you know that wearing a bright, colourful outfit can bring joy to others? I just got the warmest smile from a total stranger. Thank you, masturbating train man. Have a blessed day.

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

Tell me I’m not the only one who looked at this and immediately saw #sadbenaffleck

[North Vancouver RCMP @nvanrcmp]

North Vancouver RCMP statement regarding ongoing protests.

Read our release here: https://t.co/UtlmsVG8C4

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

I don’t work out, I just attend my daughter’s swim lessons and sweat profusely for half an hour. Its ironic really. She’s learning how not to drown and I’m literally* drowning in my own bodily fluid.

* figuratively

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

My goal for this holiday is to be the most obscenely overdressed at dinner each night. Dress for the resort you want, not the one you’ve got, right? #wishwhitelotus

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

At the airport, pre-holiday, and my daughter keeps saying “mum, is it kicking in? Mine hasn’t kicked in yet!” And I know she’s talking about excitement, but security doesn’t know she’s not NOT talking about ketamine.

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

My 8-year-old is mad at me because she wanted to go to the pub after school and I said no, and I don't know if this makes me a cool mum or a terrible mum? Don't worry. I promised if she did all her chores, I'd buy her a pint tomorrow.

#parenting #pubkids #funnywomen #momedy

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

And now she’s run off with my pencil because she thinks she can write something better. Cocky bitch.

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

I love dogs' lack of knowledge when it comes to song lyrics. My puppy is trying to play with my old man cat so I told her she's "got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run" and she legit thinks I just made it up on the spot.

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

Things I've typed into Google today instead of doing work:

How tall is Ali Wong?

What's really in a treacle tart?

The answer is just shy of 5 feet and the rest of Ali Wong.

[Georgia Graham @georgialoves]

Canada: Please write to/call/tag your Canadian elected officials. My dad’s MP is Laurel Collins (Victoria), mine is Alexandre Boulerice (Montreal) and Mélanie Joly is the Foreign Affairs Minister. #MissingPerson #missingpersons #personadesaparecido #vermist #vermistpersoon

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

Someone I used to babysit just became a mother, in case you’re wondering how old I feel right about now.

[Georgia Graham @georgialoves]

I was interviewed by Global News yesterday about the inaction of Canadian government regarding my father’s missing persons case.
Please share and @ your officials in Canada and Spain.
@JustinTrudeau @melaniejoly @theJagmeetSingh

https://t.co/HGvfwfPBhp

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

I have a new found respect for Dirty Dancing’s Baby. I just carried a watermelon and now my back hurts.

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

I’ve been off Twitter for seven years. What did I miss?

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

Is this thing on?

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

These two. *sigh* #bowieramone ⚡️❤️ https://t.co/woDz2dePif

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

Five months old and we finally took the stroller for its first spin. #bowieramone ⚡️ https://t.co/T2JLUPjceC

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

@nicolb @vonMeow Oh boy! Do I ever remember that. Such a process.

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

Went on a lunch date with my best bishhhh yesterday. Thing is, she always looks cuter than me, but I… https://t.co/EsOjzV8JqB

[Katie-Rose @katierosecomedy]

Bowie might not love the sun, but it sure loves her. #bowieramone ⚡️#ergoselfies #nofilter https://t.co/LLxufLxBOi