katymort

[katymort @katymort_]

@daveyjames22 HOLY SHIT

[katymort @katymort_]

@daveyjames22 People that don't default to private on Venmo are a DIFFERENT BREED.

[katymort @katymort_]

@JWPascale Omg I will send you a Spotify playlist. So many good songs about so many kinds of love. Also lmk if you're on discord. I'm in a very cute mixtape club that I think you'd love.

[katymort @katymort_]

@jbrancha @erinbranchaud Excuse me is this a cocktail bulletin??

[katymort @katymort_]

This is so weird because sergeant majors are so aggressively territorial. Like, one bit me on the forehead once. Least likely fish to be anybody's best friend.

[Pop Crave @PopCrave]

Character poster for Jacob Tremblay as Flounder in #TheLittleMermaid.

[katymort @katymort_]

@jbrancha Yes! I magically found yellow in a divey liquor store in Durango last year. Seems like the situation is ripe for a champagne/sparkling wine arrangement.

[katymort @katymort_]

@GippyP Why not now?!?!

[katymort @katymort_]

@daveyjames22 How many girlies attempting a cottagecore catheter (peeing in an empty bottle)

[katymort @katymort_]

No fewer than 6 of them, all independently, looked at me like I was an alien and asked me when I changed my hair.
I dyed my hair purple THREE YEARS AGO and have lazily kept it up since.

[katymort @katymort_]

Yesterday I was on a work trip with 8 of my coworkers. I'm the only person in our office who is officially hybrid (g'bless) but I *am* in the office twice a week and we all live on Teams, so these people see me REGULARLY.
1/2

[katymort @katymort_]

A constant stasis.

[katymort @katymort_]

@jbrancha Rly hope you've listened to the t&c episode on grey whales. Much info. Much silliness. As they do.

[katymort @katymort_]

@liopleurodelly @daveyjames22 @tracy_haas @champenstein69 I don't remember exactly where we were, but the building that we were sleeping in had a room called 'spiritual goulash' and that alone is burned into my brain.

[katymort @katymort_]

@JWPascale Still a travesty that they took the Ruby Red of the menu.

[katymort @katymort_]

I saw @sad13 play in a shipping container and I am in my 30s and this tweet caused me physical pain.

[katymort @katymort_]

💚🌎💚

[Adam Sharp @AdamCSharp]

‘Let’s get this show on the road!’ from different languages:

5. Let’s pick up our hammers! (Bulgarian)
4. Let’s saddle the chickens! (German)
3. Let’s go bedbugs, the bed’s on fire! (Finnish)
2. On with the butter! (Icelandic)
1. Forward with the goat! (Flemish)

[katymort @katymort_]

This just in: overheard a late-teen in an airport Mexican restaurant order a glass of 'white' milk and then argue with their parent about whether a dish was chips or nachos. They definitely DO NOT know the difference.
The kids are not alright? Hopefully just this one.

[katymort @katymort_]

HOT CONTENT ALERT

[Nebraska Humane Society @NEHumaneSociety]

naming all of our animals Liz Truss in the hopes that they too will Get Out of Here

[katymort @katymort_]

Sharks are the best of the best ♥️

[🦈Shark Lady🦈 @soFISHtication]

Shark check! Type “Sharks are…” and let autocorrect finish the sentence.

[katymort @katymort_]

Had to get up before 4 on a Saturday for work, but now I'm watching this in an airport so all is well.