Bridget Keene

Girl Scout Troop 898 - Top Cookie Seller, 2004-2005.

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

Every time my boyfriend has Nutella he says “I haven’t had Nutella in YEARS” despite having had Nutella in the past 4-6 months.
When doya think that guy from the Notebook started reading that lil story to his wife? When should I start Notebook-ing Max?

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

Why does the host of Kids Bake Off show so much chest hair tho

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

I know Will’s having a weird night but can someone tell him that my mom is pretty disappointed in him

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

Absolutely exhausted from all the cardio I watched other people do in Licorice Pizza.

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

I just want a career where I can wear baggy clothes and smell like patchouli.

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

“Too much words.”
-@fantagirlmgr on the New Yorker

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

Drugs are cool but have y’all ever taken a high ponytail down after a long day?

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

What do I gotta do to drive around in one of those inside cars at the airport

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

@tweetsbydav IM TRYING

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

Soulmates do exist

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

Rewatching the original Gossip Girl, how did I forget about the Serena/Vanessa Guitar Hero fight scene??

This show is a national treasure, play this scene at my funeral.

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

@tweetsbydav You jumped to that alarmingly quickly.

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

Today I referred to my cat as my “roommate” so clearly the pandemic hasn’t affected me socially.

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

3 whole years sober today! Cannot even express with words how cool and full my life is now. Grateful, grateful, grateful❤️

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

@tweetsbydav *Dav reported*

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

My boyfriend didn’t know who Gilda Radner was, should I dump him or just have him arrested?

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

@tweetsbydav How is that even close to the same thing RAT

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

@SkeletorPapi #justgirlythings 💃🏻👸💁‍♀️

[Bridget Keene @keenebridget]

Men are so jumpy.