Kelewise

optimist, anime lover, shy fellow

[Yehgha @yaygha]

By breadcrumbing

Instead of 200k at once, make it 20k and spread it across months.

Instead of getting her that iPhone 18 that you can comfortably buy, get her a 14PM

Instead of opening a business, give her 20k every now and then while reminding her to get a job

Instead of calling her today, and calling again tomorrow, call today and don't call again until she calls

If she called to ask for money, that does not qualify as a call.

Instead of asking her to come over this weekend, and then again next weekend, ask her this week, and don't ask again until she invites herself

The point is

1. whenever you think of giving her something that costs x, divide x in half, then give her that half

Even/especially if you can comfortably afford x.

2. Give her room to reciprocate the bare minimum things that she can reciprocate. That way, it is much easier to gauge her commitment to you.

And the easiest example here is calls. If you're calling more than her, whilst spending on her, what exactly is she doing for you then.

She may not be able to spend much money on you so the asymmetry there is expected.

But anything else that she can do for you to balance what you do for her, you have to take a step back and allow her do it.

That is where calls and initiating visits come in.

She should be calling you more than you call her. That is one of the easiest ways to know when she starts cheating on you - because the calls will stop.

But if you're the one doing most of the calling while also doing all of the spending, then you're setting yourself up.

Your financial investment in her must be reciprocated by investments from her in other areas.

And no; sex is not an investment because it is an infinite resource she gives to everybody

[Yehgha @yaygha]

Gbam.

Initiate, then wait for her to reciprocate, if she does not, withdraw everything.

When she complains, like

"You have not called me since Friday"

"I called you on Friday. You have not called me since last week. Your phone does not make calls?"

Or something along those lines should be your response.

Because it is not just about the calls. It's what they mean. Calling a person regularly means you think about about the person regularly.

So if you call her more than she calls you, it means you're thinking about her more than she thinks about you.

It means she's more important to you than you are to her despite her benefiting more from you.

That puts you in an extremely weak position - a position where the person who offers the most value in the relationship, needs it more than the person who offers the least.

And she will sense that weakness and punish you for it by doing even less on her part, confident in the fact that, you will contunue to do more for her to keep the relationship going so that everything you've invested does not go to waste.

Because if the relationship ends, you lose a lot because you have given a lot. She loses little or nothing because she has given little or nothing.

Bouyed by that dynamic, she will disrespect you, treat you like trash, cheat on you, and gamble that you will still stay because a person who is afraid of losing a relationship is unlikely to enforce boundaries that will result in it's loss.

Checkmate.

The things you do for her, make you love her more . It does not make her love you more.

It is the things that she does for you, that will make her love you more.

If she does not do those things, she does not love you.

And the easiest of those things to look out for, is how often she calls you relative to how often you call her.

Check the ratio and everythings else will begin to make sense

[Oshiogwe 🦁 @Oshiogwe1]

Once a guy loses that soft spot for you, you’ll finally see how he treats women he isn't interested in.
​Good luck.

That patience you thought was personality?
​It was affection.
​You were getting privileges you thought were permanent.

The long explanations.
​The second chances.
​The checking on you.
​The willingness to fix things.
​That wasn't weakness.
​That was your special treatment.

Then something dies.
​He stops arguing.
​Stops explaining.
​Stops asking what’s wrong.
​Now you’re confused.
​He’s finally treating you like everybody else.

Women think the opposite of love is hatred.
​Wrong.
​Hatred still spends energy.
​Wait until he genuinely doesn't care.

Your tears used to move him.
​Your silence used to bother him.
​Your absence used to hurt him.
​Then one day, nothing.
​That's when you know the soft spot is dead.

And you cannot demand back the version of him you repeatedly taught to stop caring.
​That man existed because he loved you.

Once you become "just another woman" in his eyes, you'll finally understand how much his love was protecting you from his indifference.

[SEUN Durojaiye 🇳🇬 @DurojaiyeSegun]

During our childhood days in Mushin, in the early 2000s, I had a friend named Damilare.

At the time, he was living with his maternal grandmother, who sold fufu just to be able to train him at YABATECH.

Both of his parents were victims of the 2000 religious crisis in Kaduna, and had passed away.

There were times when he had nothing to eat, so he would come to my house on the next street whenever my mother had gone to work. I would secretly give him some of our foodstuff so he could go home, cook for himself, and make sure his grandmother had something to eat too.

Most weekends, when my mum was at home and I couldn't smuggle food from the house for him, he would go into Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LUTH), around the hostels where the College of Medicine students lived. It was barely a five-minute walk from our street.

As soon as you approached the area, you would hear the medical students shouting from a distance:

"Any work! Any work!"

They were calling the attention of passersby who needed someone to do petty jobs for them. They could pay anything from ₦5 to ₦10, and Damilare would use whatever he made to feed himself and his grandmother for the week.

I'm not sure if such a system still exists today.

One day, while he was washing clothes for one of the medical students, the student's girlfriend came around and saw him. Somehow, she took an interest in him and gave him her Yahoo email address, telling him to email her.

There were no mobile phones like we have today, so she gave him ₦50 to go to a cybercafé. Her boyfriend had no idea that they had exchanged contact information.

Damilare sent the first email, and her response was for him to send her his address. Before long, she started coming from the College of Medicine to Mushin almost every day after class.

She would take both of us to Mr Bigg's. Sometimes, would go to the market and buy enough foodstuff for Damilare to last for weeks. She would also give him some money and tell him to stop coming to LUTH to look for petty jobs.

The only days she wouldn't come were usually when she had an "in-course" examination the following day.

After completing her programme, she went to Abuja for her housemanship, returned to Lagos for NYSC, and later left Nigeria for Australia to pursue her Master's degree.

It wasn't even up to three years before she brought Damilare to Melbourne.

Today, they are happily married.

Seeing both of them return to Nigeria last year brought back so many childhood memories of Mushin.

Damilare, the Mushin boy of yesterday, is now doing largely well. Today, he owns properties and estates in Ibafo and Lekki Phase 2 and has become one of the leading tech experts in Melbourne.

Sometimes, I look at where he is today and remember the boy who once walked from street to LUTH looking for ₦5 or ₦10 jobs just to put food on the table and sponsor himself through school.

Never underestimate the future of someone just because of the circumstances they are facing today.

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

Read widely

Build mental models before you need them.
Reading is how I borrow the best thinking of the smartest people who ever lived.

Charlie Munger built one of the most successful investment careers in history and said the basics of his method were collecting mental models from across disciplines. From psychology, physics, biology, economics, to history. He read voraciously across everything. He knew frameworks from one domain can unlock problems in another.

He called it a “latticework of mental models.”
“Well, the first rule is that you can’t really know anything if you just remember isolated facts and try to bang ’em back. If the facts don’t hang together on a latticework of theory, you don’t have them in a usable form. You’ve got to have mental models in your head. And you’ve got to array your experience, both vicarious and direct, on this latticework of models,” he said.

This is the magic of wide reading. If you read across fields, you start seeing patterns that specialists miss.

History teaches that every crisis feels unprecedented until you read about the previous one. Philosophy gives you frameworks for decisions before emotions cloud them.

Biology teaches you that most human behaviour that seems irrational makes perfect sense as a survival mechanism. Physics teaches you about systems, leverage, and compounding. I aim to learn all.

The practical upside: wide readers are harder to panic.
They’ve already seen the template for whatever’s happening. They know how things tend to resolve. They have perspective. They’ve read enough from everywhere to know they can stay calm when things fall apart. Read physical books when you can. There’s a different quality of attention. No notifications. No hyperlinks. Just you and the ideas. It builds better retention than screen-reading can’t replicate.
One book a week is ambitious. One book a month is doable.
The habit matters more than the pace.

[Daphne @celebriD]

An ugly truth a lot of women don’t want to hear:
A woman announced she was getting divorced and asked for encouragement. The replies immediately filled up with women posting their “married vs. divorced” glow-ups, dramatic weight loss, new hair, new clothes, gym bodies.

Why did becoming single suddenly motivate you to give yourself the effort you stopped giving while married? Sometimes women get comfortable in their marriage. They stop prioritizing their health, appearance, intimacy, or effort. Then the relationship ends and suddenly it’s gym memberships, diets, new wardrobes, and “watch me glow.” And if your spouse previously encouraged you to get healthier, somehow he was the villain.

If you can lose 50, 70, or 90 pounds for the dating market, you were capable of investing in yourself while married too. Sometimes the “glow-up” isn’t evidence that somebody held you back. Sometimes it’s evidence that you stopped showing up until you needed to attract somebody new. And if you repeat that same pattern, get the new relationship, get comfortable, stop putting in effort, you didn’t break the cycle. You just changed men.

[Babalola Esq.⚖️ @Owiggy_]

There was a time I was in court and I was on video call with a girl cus she said she needed to watch how I become serious in court.

I told her not to say anything, to just watch. I forgot to just reduce the volume.

This girl shouted “objection my lord.” Bro, I wan craze.😭

My Lord seized my phone until the end of that day in court 😭

[Rick D @RickD_GK]

He is not wrong. There is a definite double standard in this world. ❤️

[Kelewise @kelewise1]

A long read but worth it

[Gbenga Samuel-Wemimo @GbengaWemimo]

She: We are both mature and honest about what we want out of the relationship.
I didn't want him lying to me or promising me something he couldn't deliver, so I told him straight away that I don't want any talk of marriage.
I was not some twenty-something-year-old lady desperately looking for a husband; I was in my late thirties, I had built a career for myself, and I was doing very well on my own.
From my previous relationships, I had learnt that marital discussions make me apprehensive and build unnecessary expectations in my heart, which inadvertently ruins the relationship.
The guy I was with before I met him got it; we were together more like companions who met each other's sexual needs once in a while.
I mean, I am not big on sex, but once in a while, the body might call for it, and I would rather have someone handy to roll in the hay with.

Unfortunately, the guy got tired of our occasional weekends together after falling in love with another lady.
It was inevitable.
He was four years younger than I was and had just secured a better job.
Such progress naturally would lead to him settling down and moving on
We parted ways without any formal discussion
He sent me a text asking for some money I owed him
I sent him the money
He replied by saying he was getting married the following weekend
I was like, "Wow", Congratulations.
End Of Story.

A month after that, I met this new guy.
He was two years older than me. Divorced. Extremely full of himself. Smart. Opinionated. Doesn't talk about government or politics. Self-made. Everything I disliked in a man. Absolute Authoritarian and Master of All. A know-it-all. A shut up and listen sort of guy who somehow always ends up being right and knows it too.

We met at a cocktail dinner organised by one of the popular hotels in Lagos.
He was a guest at the Hotel
My company has an account with the hotel where we lodge our guests
The hotel invited our company with the hope that a bit of networking with the hotel's guests would be beneficial to all
I was instructed to attend with four other staff members to mingle with the rich guests and market our organisation.
As soon as I walked into the hall, I could sense his eyes on me.
He looked too good to be single, and I was so not going to entertain any married man in my space, so I avoided him.

Anyway, another colleague got talking to him, and the talk got to the issues of politics, and he refused to engage.
The colleague signalled to me to come over and said, "I told you there are men who don't talk politics. Mr So and so here is one of them"
I looked up at his face, and our eyes met
My knees began to shiver immediately.
I mean, I was thirty-eight, and I had been having sex since I was fifteen.
What trick was there for any man to pull that I had not seen?
I asked him why he did not talk politics
He replied by asking me why I was not as successful as him
I laughed and said, "How do you know I am not as successful as you?"
He said, "I make my own money; you work for someone. I am a whale; you are a bait. Your bosses sent you here to land accounts, so I guess you make something like half a million naira per month."

The discussion had gone way out of hand. It felt as if he was not just undressing me in public physically; he was also doing so psychologically and financially and emotionally and whatever else.

And he was not done!

He said, "The wristwatch you are wearing belonged to your ex-boyfriend or lover. Why do you still wear it?"

I said, "How do you know?"

He lifted up my hand and showed me the strap. One hole was bigger than the others, which obviously proves someone whose wrist was bigger used to wear the watch.

He was right.

Then he said, "I have a store somewhere in Lagos where we sell smartwatches. I will give you a new one so that you don't keep wearing a dead man's boot.

And then he laughed with his eyes locked into mine.

I was all messed up. I had never been like that in many years. I mean. I was a gusher in my university days, but after some stint with celibacy and other issues, I would say I required a bit of work to drip, but not this whatever...

I excused myself and ran to the washroom.

By the time I returned to the cocktail party with a determination to stand my ground, he was seated with some white folks, and he waved me over.

We talked for a while, and he offered me a ride home.

I accepted.

On the way, he branched at the mall and gave me the smart watch he promised.

We talked a lot that evening in his car. He parked in front of my apartment, and we just talked on and on for hours
I felt like a teenager again
Dead butterflies and bugs all came alive inside my tummy
It was not love
It was, however, nothing!

He asked me if I was seeing someone, and I said no.
Then he said, "Move in with me; I am a bit lonely and tired of staying alone"

The next day, I moved into his apartment.

When we moved in, I gave him the same speech I had given to the others before him.

I don't do love.
I don't do entanglements
I do do complicated
I don't share

I walk away when I want, and that could be at the sight of anything unpleasant or unsavoury.

I could quit over you waking up late, or not returning my calls on time or just for being me.

He said he understood.

One day at a time became dreams of a lifetime in my heart.

I didn't know when I fell in love or how...

He never misbehaved. Never spoke to another woman on the phone in a strange tone. Never picked up his calls in the bathroom. Treated me with respect. If he had an event that he wanted me to attend with me and I had nothing fitting to wear, he would take me shopping. He never complained about anything I did.
I mean...

I have never been with a man who gave me so much peace of mind as he did.

I had to tell him at one point that being with him redefined love for me.

By the time I had spent six months in his house, I began to tinker with the idea of broaching the topic of marriage with him.

I wanted badly to be his wife, and I had never wanted to be anybody's wife before in my life. Every man that had ever proposed marriage to me was disliked from the moment they said the word.

I am not the marrying kind!

I was contented with being single. I wore it like a badge of honour, and even my parents had resigned themselves to the fact that I would never get married.

I invited him to my younger brother's wedding; he attended and conducted himself so graciously

My parents and siblings bombarded me with questions after the wedding.

Who was he?
Is he married or single?
Are you dating him?

I told them he was just a friend whose business aligned with my own at the moment.

Eventually, I summoned the courage and told him how I felt.

He replied by saying, "You are not what I am looking for"

What does that mean?

I don't understand. What was he looking for? What would that "what" have that I don't have?

I didn't take what he said badly.

I had been with him for six months, and I lived freely. He never complained for a minute or made me feel he was not accommodating of my excesses.

When he said I was not what he was looking for, that was where my mind went to.

My untidiness.

I would leave my broken hair in the brush in his bathroom; sometimes my unwashed clothes would litter the room. I left plates unwashed in his sink overnight and so many other minor things that my mother would have spanked me for.

I stayed with him on my terms, and I was not going to be his housekeeper or housemaid or play wife.

He had a contract with a cleaning company, and they did their work diligently.

So I began to tidy up. I mean...

I played wife. I cleaned, scrubbed, cooked, went to the market, watched videos on how to do better in bed, and I started initiating sex more frequently. Took him out on dates. Bought him gifts. Started this public display of affection thing...

I was shameless

He noticed all the changes and asked us to have a meeting.
At the meeting, he asked me what was going on, and I told him I just wanted to appreciate him for how well he had been taking care of me since I moved into his apartment.

He asked me why I chased away all his domestic staff, and I told him I wanted to save him some money.

How can two people be living together, and as a woman, I cannot manage the home?

He had four domestic staff members who reported to his apartment every day of the week to clean, wash, cook, tend to his garden and tend to his cars.

I took over all the domestic work and left only the security guard and the gardener.

I prayed daily that he would see the effort I was putting into us and reconsider his stance on marrying me.

Business took him to Brazil for two weeks. Usually, I would stay in his apartment whenever he was away, but I had left my apartment unattended for a while, and I felt I should use the opportunity to attend to my flat.

While he was in Brazil, I called him and accused him of not checking up on me.
He said, "Are you sure you are not falling in love, Ego? I know these signs, and I am getting worried that you will make things difficult when we eventually decide to part ways"

I screamed at him.

"You overestimate yourself. Who do you think you are? Just because I wondered why you didn't check up on me, you're flattering yourself. I am my own woman, and I will never chase any man. Please check your CCTV app and be sure your apartment is safe. That was why I called."

He apologised and rang off.

I fell more in love.

I couldn't help it. It was as if the more he ran away from me, the more I desired him. I was determined to conquer his heart of stone!

He was to return on a Tuesday. When I got to his apartment on Monday, the locks had been changed.

I tried calling him, but I realised he must be on the flight back to Nigeria.

When he got back on Tuesday, he came straight to my office and took me to lunch.

After he had given me the things I asked him to get for me and everything, he said he had news.

I asked him what the news was, and he said: "I found the person I was looking for in Brazil".

At first, the meaning of what he said was completely lost to me.

Was he ever looking for someone? Did somebody get lost? Was somebody lost?

I looked lost.

So he reiterated.

"I told some guys to do some work on the house. He said. I came home with the woman I am going to get married to. I found my woman, Ego. I found the woman of my dreams".

Sir, I lost it.
I didn't know when I began to curse the woman and him. I didn't ever know I could behave like that in my life. In public. Very close to my office. I couldn't take it.
I begged him. I even asked him if it was the sex and how i have been working on myself to do better.

The look on his face throughout my drama was shock!

I outdid myself.

I was so hurt. I cried all night, and i cried all day. I wrote a suicide note and sent it to him with a promise that I would kill myself and post the note on the Internet so that the world could know how black his heart was, and for good measure, it would also ruin his new relationship.

I hate what love did to me, Brother Gbenga; I hate it.

No man had ever made me behave like a mad woman before in my life, and I have dated many.

I was always the one setting terms and walking away while they would be on their knees begging.

He didn't even try, and that was the most annoying thing.

I fell in love with a guy who was just living his life on his terms. Who was kind to me the way he would have been kind to any other woman. He never professed love or tried to impress me or do anything to indicate that he really wanted me to be his woman.

I am confused, sir. I am also very angry, and I have been wishing him and his new girlfriend bad luck and all sorts of evil.

I am sorry for taking your time, sir, i saw one of your posts earlier today about how to handle breakups, and it just triggered me in a bad way.

I am in serious pain sir.

-Ms. Ego

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[Kelewise @kelewise1]

@BinanceAfrica Guess the city but una wan use restrictions finish users from the country

[₩₳Ɽ ₱₳₮Ⱨ @WarPath2pt0]

Counterpoint--

[Duchess M. Abboud! @duchessmabboud]

I just graduated a few weeks ago. I was class rep all through my stay in UI Law so I knew nearly all my classmates on a personal note.

The ones who worked every last day just to feed and afford the basics.

The ones we had to crowdfund for.

The ones who were in and out of hospital and always called to take excuse because while we’re writing yet another test, they can’t make it because they are on a hospital bed for the umpteenth time that semester.

The ones who got overwhelmed and depressed.

The ones who lost family and/or friends and just couldn’t find their way back.

The family men and women who just had other responsibilities and cant give it as much time as the others.

And it goes on and on…

The most important thing I learnt from being class rep is not leadership or service. It is to give people grace when it comes to these things.

There are still those who do not care and just want to graduate with whatever but mehn, more than half the time, life happened and it takes different forms.

Leave people alone. Let them celebrate their 2:2 if they want. YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT TOOK TO GET THERE!

And I really hope you never have to know.

[Nandi 🤍💜🤍 @pallnandi]

Some of you are building your entire relationship mindset off social media lies, and it’s costing you real connection. Today let’s put a few of them to rest.

Ready? Let’s start with the most popular ones.

Walk with me. A 🧵

[Ade omo Ade 👑 01 @educatedtug01]

HOW TO INCREASE YOUR AURA

1. Smile less….A calm, closed mouth smile carries more authority than forced friendliness.

2. Announce nothing…..People respect outcomes, not intentions.

3. Read real books in public. It silently intimidates people who scroll.

4. Nod instead of agreeing. Approval should feel earned, not automatic.

5. Stop narrating your life. Mystery beats oversharing every time.

6. Be hard to reach. Access is value.

7. Shake hands like you mean it. Weak grips signal weak presence.

[Jerry Thornton @jerrythornton]

This is going to stick with me forever

[CALABAR RANTS @CrossRiverVine]

Memes, madness, and moments that broke the Internet.

[Better Men @Better_men]

WOLF, 1994

[Dan @CfcDan_01]

This was so unexpected but it was so funny😭

[Rolivhuwa 🫶🏾 @ReezaySA]

A thread on how to get rid of your creases!