Kelly Sims

good news for people who love bad news

[𐌕 🍂 @fwtimini]

Why don't pizza places give away those tiny little tables from the pizza boxes anymore? My dolls have to eat off the floor now, and it's bullshit.

[mel @7969ss]

Every man who's called me crazy has also called me again later

[kat @yslnadi]

When it's eight in the morning and everything seems possible, but now it's four in the afternoon and there is nothing left that can be done

[Barack Obama @BarackObama]

To George and Laura, Bill and Hillary — we're grateful for your friendship, counsel, and devotion to this country. And to Joe and Jill, thank you for being on this journey with us.

[eliz @eliza___v]

Something about calling a man a bitch

[Jedi @dhe3g]

Okay we need to apologize to the schizophrenics

[𝒵𝒾𝓀✯ @_Gottalovezik]

me immediately analyzing my feelings instead of feeling them

[Robie ⚢ @anglsfrvrangls]

How life feels when you accept that you’re a cunt and you do love gossiping and complaining

[brit does it all @britsalterego]

This is completely unprovoked sir and I apologize for that, but your beard looks stupid. And maybe no one’s told you this, or they have and you don’t care. But the Lord put it on my heart rn that I just needed to speak the truth to you brotha.

Him who so trims they facial hair, shall not perish but have no more disparaging words from me.

Amen 🙏🏾

[cнєєкυ⋆｡🪐˚ ⋆ @Okay_Bye___]

How it feels pretending to agree with people so they stop talking

[cнєєкυ⋆｡🪐˚ ⋆ @Okay_Bye___]

Me walking out of the interview after saying Neck kisses as my weakness

[mya ⋆˚✿ @sparklingpeach_]

when i see a cute video of a kid and then i remember how bad it is to post your child online

[Andrea D. Huberwoman, Ph.D. @thegenesisbl0ck]

This is how girls act when you don’t split the bill btw

[ris @sternpilled]

Lost my temper at work and inadvertently showed a side of me I was trying to hide

[Miilato @miiilato]

sometimes when I talk I can physically feel myself pick the wrong dialogue option

[pop culture gal @allurequinn]

when I was a kid i used to think this was the best pop song ever made. then i grew up and matured and realised that this is absolutely the best pop song ever made.

[Mads @europemaxxed]

How it feels to be the only one who perceives a malicious vibe from someone that everyone else likes

[Emir Han @RealEmirHan]

When Joaquin Phoenix almost made Lady Gaga spit out her water after he accidentally grabbed her glass 😭