kels

[kels @kelsarmstrong0]

@realDonaldTrump Shut the fuck up

[kels @kelsarmstrong0]

Dude we get it... You’re engaged after 7 days of dating. Congrats.

[kels @kelsarmstrong0]

@micaylanm My groomer just recently poodled my doodle and ruined him.

[miranda @notmirandagoss]

know what the cool thing is about abortion? if you don’t want one, you don’t have to get one! amazing! what another woman does with her body has NO AFFECT ON YOU OR YOUR LIFE! so fuck off & stop trying to take away rights that aren’t yours to take ! thx for coming to my ted talk

[gary from teen mom @garyfromteenmom]

them: im breaking up with you

me: is it because i got airlifted from the applebees parking lot after happy hour

them: yes

[Audie Lauf @audielauf27]

This is the first season l’ve watched the @BachelorABC and this perfectly describes him.

[Jenna Wheeler @jennnaaa_3]

My cousin announced to the family that after she finishes up at Cambridge, she will be getting her doctorate from Standford

At that moment, my mom looked me in the eye. I could just tell she was thinking about the time I put diesel in my car and wondering where she went wrong.

[kels @kelsarmstrong0]

I had a fashion emergency, had 10 minutes to find a brand new formal outfit, and let’s just say that right now I’m wearing the cashier’s bra

[dorothy @dorothylynn21]

I highly encourage everyone to listen to the last 16 seconds of this video, as I did repeatedly.

[Cardi Bean @vanesssarey]

Who said Rudolph gets to be the most famous reindeer of all? Why does he get to stomp around pulling the sleigh with his light up nose? Dancer is just as cute as Rudolph. Prancer is just as smart as Rudolph. People totally like the other reindeer just as much as they like Rudolph

[gary from teen mom @garyfromteenmom]

oh thats ur girl? then why are the bottom half of her zipoff capris on my bedroom floor

[Michael Braithwaite @mbraithwaite72]

Today I witnessed @Starbucks employee call in someone experiencing homelessness from the street to offer them a “sample”of coffee. He went out of his way to be kind on a cold, wet day while preserving the person’s dignity.
There is so much good in this world,just open your eyes

[Nick Wheeler™ @nwhe51525]

I’ve been alive for 20 years now and still haven’t met anyone that’s openly admitted to ever eating long John silvers. Who is keeping that place in business???

[gabby pascuzzi @gabbypascuzzi]

I love being on all three major social media platforms (twitter, fb, insta) so I can just cycle through them endlessly and see the same memes at varying intervals. Very cool

[hannah PIERCE @gulickhannah]

i’m working with my least favorite coworker today and if he condescendingly explains ONE FREAKING THING i know MORE than him about i’m pulling up the news article i found on his DUI from 9 years ago on every work computer and leaving it there

[Matt aye yo @mateodavis]

The president of the United States said today that we should’ve raked the forest and the fires could’ve been prevented.

RAKED THE FOREST.

He said the forest should’ve been raked out.

THE FOREST. RAKED.

He wants us to rake the forest.

Please, Jesus.