kelsey

I've broken two bones in my life. Both were skulls. Neither were mine.

[Chandler Police @ChandlerPolice]

🚨🚨 Have you seen this vehicle?
On February 23, just before 1 p.m. the driver of this vehicle was involved in a hit-and-run incident that resulted in injuries to a bicyclist. The incident took place near N. Arizona Avenue and the canal. The vehicle was last seen in the area of Country Club and Baseline Road. If you can help identify this vehicle, please call the Chandler Police Department at 480-782-4130. #KeepChandlerSafe #HitandRun #ChandlerAZ

[Josh Trebach, MD @jtrebach]

it’s like playing “the floor is lava” except the floor is lava

[trash jones @jzux]

oceans: hot tub

aliens: real

economy: disintegrating

me: hey just circling back on my last email

[kelsey @kelseymurr]

@MarissaPurple Following bc I would love to know the answer

[Jaythechou @jaythechou]

I Photoshop paddington into a movie, game, or TV show until I forget: Day 688

[Bobby Bonilla @LPOTLmemes]

Marcus: and that’s when the…

Me: CANNIBALISM STARTED

[Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein]

Midsommar / Midwintar

[Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein]

losing my mind, just offered the aisle seat to the guy sitting between me and my gf on a flight, and he said he’d rather stay in the middle seat between us

[chris @BassoonJokes]

back on my auld lang syne bullshit, forgetting acquaintances etc

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

“you can’t live in fear” uhh yes I can. been doing it since I was 11

[kelsey @kelseymurr]

@piishax33 If you didn’t get that I s2g

[how's annie? @ventriclemouse]

Imagine if you had a sunflower seed as big as a laptop. That is everyday life for a hamster.

[kelsey @kelseymurr]

I’d like to strive for “pleasant but not approachable”.

[kelsey @kelseymurr]

People are mean.

[kelsey @kelseymurr]

🎼I have a structured settlement and I need cash now 🎵🎶

[Heidi Stevens @HeidiStevens13]

Holy. Shit. What a brilliant, horrifying cover.

[Peach PRC @peachprc]

i haven’t slept in days and i’m starting to think the next rest i get will be “in peace”