kelsey mccormick

don’t be a lady, be a legend

[kelsey mccormick @kelsomcc22]

just like look how cute he is with the new toy i got him...

[Parks and Recreation @parksandrec]

Rest in peace, Helen Slayton-Hughes ❤️ Ethel Beavers will forever be in our hearts.

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

maybe the grinch just had seasonal depression. like did he actually “hate christmas” or did he just need a prescription for wellbutrin

[Matt. @MattTheBrand]

weighted blankets are not enough. hit me with a shovel

[brooke @BlokyzzOriginal]

If I could change one physical thing about myself besides all of my body and my whole face? It’d be my hair.

[sensory homunculette @myfriendcallie]

It should be illegal for boyfriends to be asleep when you want to chit chat

[trash jones @jzux]

benadryl: oh you’ll go to sleep alright

me: awesome! and then i’ll wake up?

benadryl: in a sense

[Veronica 💁🏻‍♀️ @VeronicaRuckh]

how these mother fuckers think “there’s this dad. and he’s god. and he has a son, and his name isn’t god, but he’s god. and there’s a holy spirit. and that’s no one. but it’s god. and it’s 3 people, but it’s one god” is easier to explain to kids than “sometimes 2 girls kiss”

[trash jones @jzux]

“what do your tattoos mean” they mean nobody stopped me

[Sophie Vershbow @svershbow]

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

[Reductress @Reductress]

How to Cook the Moistest, Juiciest, Wettest, Dirtiest, Cum-Slut of a Turkey This Thanksgiving: https://t.co/qjDqawhvuH

[kelsey mccormick @kelsomcc22]

What’s the point in hating on a musical artist and their fans? They aren’t bothering you. Just let them enjoy!!! (Unless they are problematic humans of course)

[Jack @GayLaVie]

The NYU student who took over my lease has owed me $100 for weeks, and when I asked him to pay me, he said he felt bullied and then sent me a Psychology Today article about gaslighting.

[trash jones @jzux]

i love to start a sentence with “not to be a bitch but…” and then say the bitchiest thing you’ve ever heard in your life

[kelsey mccormick @kelsomcc22]

Christian Bale in Newsies made adolescent Kelsey’s non existent dick hard

[The Redheaded libertarian @TRHLofficial]

BREAKING: @GuyFieri has been re-elected Mayor of Flavortown.

[jess @enchantedjess13]

i’m sorry to midnights but midnights (3am edition) has been my go-to ever since it dropped 3 hours after the original. the og didn’t stand a chance