ᵏ🐸

yes

[cuntrarian @serialxprmnt]

one of my friends doesn’t really have much going on right now so we’re gonna try to get him to transition

[cav empty @cavempty_]

michael dolences

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

I would’ve pulled Tony Soprano aside and said “Anthony, you need to lighten up! Don’t take things so personally. You’re a star, baby!” Or something to that effect

[normal person @turbogeniusman]

29 years young and i could buy any sandwich i want without even checking my bank account. won't go into details but i'm in the hundreds

[anders. @AndersMKE]

ordered a rolling rock at the bar by saying "pass me the rock" and the bartender said, verbatim, "shut the fuck up"

[the young thug of twt ひ (pre-rico) @zaycondonez]

u gotta leave them nothin burgers alone and come fw a burger king

[Greg the Sorcerer @gregthesorcerer]

Hit a goblin with a fireball and it let out a soft little moan #watdatmean

[𝒥ℴ 𝜗𝜚 @venusianjo]

peeing extra loud in the office to reclaim my territory

[viviana 🫀 @chipilonita]

crazy alcoholic guy across the street is flashing a strobe light at a police helicopter and yelling “get outta my airspace you fucking pigs” and i do in fact have to give it to him this time

[cosmicfauxpas @cosmicfauxpas]

nephew told me ufos are unc slop. hard pill to swallow but he's right.

[Berwyn Choobs @sabatonfan69]

Ah yes. Some pot smoke. That’s hits the spot… now to be productive- but first, a quick foray to the Wikipedia page for sugar ray

[Andyy @fw_andyyy]

i'm so high at home depot rn, and i have to ask where the hose at and i know ima laugh when i do.

[UwUTangClan @Executivejeff1]

yeah I got my proof of citizenship right here

[first ethical space cowboy @cowboybecsbop]

penmywise is in my drain and he’s wanting grease he said to pour grease down there or else

[JoeLongBalls @JoeLongBalls]

the homeless guy outside 711 is starting to memorize some of my attack patterns but he doesn't know I got a phase 2

[Whar❓️ @the_whar]

I'd be such a good Riddler goon. He'd show me a new riddle and I'd be like "Good one, boss" and then continue being one of the only henchmen on earth with a dental plan.